RESET!! C+ALT+D

Here we are...we have made it to spring break...family togetherness will be in full swing...let the battles begin!!  I am excited that spring break is here...just hoping we all get to relax a bit.

The warm weather is not here and let me tell you...it has me in a rotten mood!  My food choices are not the best because I am using my crappy mood as an excuse...so not a good thing!  I just really feel like sometimes all is coming down around me and I still have to pick up all the pieces when I don't know where they go!

So on a day like this when the list is like this:

• piles of laundry to be put away
• piles of laundry to be done
• dishwasher to empty
• dishes to load into dishwasher
• toys in every room that belong somewhere else
• beds to be made
• shoes to be put in mudroom
• soap dispensers that are empty
• puzzle pieces in random rooms
• barbies EVERYWHERE
• dusting...we still do this right...because it has been AWHILE
• sorting of clothes in my closet to purge-mid project
• sorting of clothes in kids closets to store-constant project
• eliminate some of the 100 pairs of socks hubby has...we only have two feet last I checked
• make my March calendar on my dry erase...it's still good for four days
• register for tomorrow's Easter egg hunt
• get out Easter baskets and maybe put some decorations out too!
• pack for our little get away
• what's for dinner??

I end up doing this:

• rest day for exercise
• make sure G1 gets a 4 on his spelling test-up at 6:45 to review before school
• get phone situation resolved
• have a quick visit with family 
• feed G3 and G4 something that resembles lunch after dealing with phone situation for a few hours
• put G4 down for nap
• let G3 veg out on kindle
• blog a bit
• anxiously wait for G1 and G2 to get home so we can watch the voice from Tuesday
• eat a cookie when you know you shouldn't 
• go out with girlfriends tonight and take a lot of deep breathes
• know that this is one of many days...and it doesn't have to be perfect

I hope this week will be a great reset for all of us before the busy spring gets into full swing.  I hope you know that the list will always be there and it will forever be growing and not everything needs to be checked off!!  I hope we can remember to read a book to the littles when they ask...and snuggle with the bigs while they still let you.  It is important to have the sense of accomplishment with each day but it is also important to let yourself have an off day.  Every part of you, mind, and body needs to stop once and again.  We have so much coming at us in every which way...you need to just shut it down at times...and enjoy that moment!

So yes...continue to embrace the suck and choose you...but don't lose any moments either!!

One Big Lofty Goal

One day you decide-I am going to do this...I am going to tackle this struggle and it is going to start today!  So you tell yourself...NO sweets, NO fast food, and I will work out EVERY day.

More than likely after a day or two of this you say-Forget this...Give me some girl scout cookies...STAT!  I am heading to the grocery store to grab a box from that cute innocent girl right now!!

I am all about the instant gratification and wanting things now!  I so badly want to blink my eyes and have certain projects in my house completed but know full well it will be a weekend by weekend job to get to the final product!

Same goes for you-forget the big number you want to lose and focus on the steps you need to complete to get there.  Sure-both seem daunting...50 pounds or 20 things i need to remember to not do every day so I then do right thing-they both are not fun and make you uncomfortable.

• a light beer instead of the full IPA when it comes to march madness 
• a salad with dressing on the side and asking them to not put the cheese on as well
• working out 4 times in a week...and each time being just a little bit longer
• trying a new recipe that is made up of mostly veggies and protein
• drinking 60 oz of water a day
• not hitting the drive through to get that breakfast sandwich and coffee on the way to work
• taking the dog for a walk instead of just letting him out into the yard
• parking farther from the entrance to work so you have to walk a bit more
• taking the stairs in the office
• signing up for your first 5k
• setting your kids up with a meal then heading down to the treadmill for a quick run
• saying no thank you to seconds
• walking with your family after dinner for everyone to be together and move that food around
• WEIGHING your food...using the measuring cups for more than flour and sugar
• logging your food even when you know it's been bad
• forgiving yourself when you have fallen and let others help you back up

I can keep going with this list but I think you get the picture.  It's hard.  If it was easy everyone would be a picture of health but we aren't.  I still struggle every day with the choices I make and try my best to stay on the right path.  I fall over to the dark side every once in a blue moon but remind myself that you will feel better when you stay focused.  Whatever that quick little temptation was is truly not worth it.  Back in my Weight Watchers days...our leader would always say...Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Forget the thin part of this sentence but realize that the taste is temporary...the strength and pride is much longer lasting.  

Reward yourself for the small victories and try not to over emphasize the big lofty goal.  The reward can be a new recipe of a yummy chocolate chip cookie pie or it can be a pedicure or a hitting a bucket of balls at the golf range.  Forget needing to lose 50 pounds and focus on those first five.  Once you get yourself into a rhythm you will continue down the right path-success will just come your way.  It's hard but it gets easier, and it's not impossible.

11/2013 - 2 months prior to my journey beginning

Came across this picture today when chatting with Blanche and Rose...you forget what you were sometimes...as we only ever share the good pics...G3 looked cute...me not so much!!  I think it is good to hold onto things like this to remind you of what you were and you can see how far you have come.  I still have a pair of pants in my closet that I don't 100% fit into...those are tried on occasion to see how things are shifting and moving.  I try not to focus on the numbers all the time but also on how I feel as me.  Change can be a great thing...remember...if nothing changes...then nothing changes!!

Embrace the suck....choose you TODAY!

It's piling up!?!?!?

I am not talking about the numbers on the scale, the laundry or the girl scout cookies in my house but the spring activities!!  Four kids means lots of logistics and just thinking about it all makes me start to sweat a little bit.  We are wrapping up a few items that have been going on since the fall and already started up a few new ones!  The mom taxi is in full swing!

With all of these new add-ons I am in the final six weeks of my marathon training...the big numbers are rolling in and that also stresses me out!! I know I can do this...I will do this!   Commitments are tough...they are many...but they make you stronger!!

Commitment is what transforms the promise into reality.

It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions.

And the actions which speak louder than the words.

It is making the time when there is none.

Coming through time after time after time,

Year after year after year.

Commitment is the stuff character is made of; 

The power to change the face of things.

It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.

I am committed to many things in my life but I need to be sure to hold the commitment to myself first.  I am not just talking food and exercise here...but all the things that make me want to be the better person I know I can be.  I used to work with a girl that carried around a notepad and a pen ALL the time and when you asked her something she would immediately write down that action item so she could address it when she got back to her desk.  She also would clean her office regularly especially when she had big projects coming up and she felt out of sorts.  This let her have a level head going into the big job.  I never understood why she couldn't just remember the item when she got back to her desk and just do it.  Boy was I wrong and try my best to emulate that now!  I feel like my personal commitments let me control one thing in an otherwise uncontrollable day.  Control the controllables. 

So this week starts the run around and I am going to take a deep breath...right down what needs to be done each day for the kiddos and then write down what I need to get done too.  This may mean a 5am wake up to fit a workout in...it may mean breakfast for dinner on a night we are short for time...but I know the chips will fall into place and we'll make it through the week just fine.  I have heard myself say on more than one occasion that I like to be busy...staying in pjs til 11am is also something I like and need to remember that is okay too!

So figure out what you really want to commit yourself to.  Remember that actions speak louder than words.  Don't go into anything half assed...pull yourself up by your bootstraps and really make a difference in yourself.  You are capable of many many things and will shine brightest when you feel that pride within.

Embrace the suck...choose you!

If A Tree Falls....

The age old question that your uncle or cousin or someone in your life asked you when you were a child.  You would reply back with every answer you could come up with and get into a debate with your sibling as to who was right and the counterparts that stirred up the question with you would just sit back and chuckle.


So the question is...If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound???

I feel like generally speaking women are more sneaky with food than men.  We generally are more emotional eaters and find peace with ourselves for whatever reason with food.  Food is very social for women and it's a bit of a release.  It is a very dangerous place for us to reside.

I can remember thinking if I eat the candy outside of my house and throw the wrapper away before I get home then it really didn't happen.  If no one saw me eat the sleeve of cookies then it didn't really happen.  If I put the box away UNDER all the other garbage in the trash can than it didn't really happen.  I can tell you today that all of these things did in fact happen and just because I did it alone doesn't mean I didn't have to face the truth after the fact.

Your mind can really be a crazy place to be.  The rationalization you try to tell yourself over why food needs to be eaten so that it will no longer exist in your home.  I still to this day say I should just finish them so that they aren't here anymore and then I won't have to worry about it.  I really do wonder if men have any of these same emotions...I know many women that have talked with me first hand about them...we are not alone!!

So yes-we are not alone...we have a group of people going through the same craziness at one time or another yet we still turn to food for completion.  It's time to reach out to others for strength and not feel ashamed or embarrassed.  We have all been in these crazy positions and will probably be there again.  Don't keep doing things in hiding...calories still apply whether you eat in your car or at your table.  Generally calories consumed on the go are the quick scary mindless ones.  The ones you tell yourself you can have real quick because you are rushing from one place to the next.  You prepare items for your children to keep in the car-do the same for yourself.

Nutrition is a constant battle and any tips or tricks I can pick up from someone along the way-I am taking!!  A new yummy lunch, a healthy on the go snack, or a vegetable family friendly dinner...BRING IT!  Keeping the strength to stay focused and make the choices is harder than the exercise aspect of it for me.  Staying prepared and knowing what I am going to eat throughout the day-easy peasy...but veer me off that path and a Cadbury mini egg will end up in my mouth.  Keep connected with a buddy that is trying to go down the same path and hold each other accountable!  You guys can have success together...just don't have a pity party together with a cookie eating contest!!

So...to answer the question...does the tree make a sound...It sure does...and it's DAMN loud!

Embrace the suck...choose you!

Guilt...should be a four letter word

Everything comes at a cost...and you have to be willing to pay the price.  I just made a low cal dessert for us to enjoy over the weekend and two slices have already been eaten by me!  I have entered them into myfitnesspal and know how much they are worth-and they tasted DARN good!  I now know my 40 minutes on the bike has turned into 50.  I still want my ice cream tonight!  Sweets will always be a part of my intake...it's my thing!

Do I feel bad that I did that??  Yes and no.  I now am more of the mind set that I understand that everything has a price associated with it.  If I am going to partake in a extra yummy treat on snow day number twelve then my workout will have to make up the difference, salad of some sort will be on menu tonight-no Friday night pizza night for me.  I have to hold myself accountable to me and the promise I made.  I don't feel guilty that I ate the dessert just maybe wish I didn't indulge in two pieces from the start.  I know I can correct what I did and it will be okay.  I know it's not the end of my day.

Downward spirals are a very dangerous place to be.  Often there were times where I would of had the two pieces of pie and continued eating...saying just don't stop...it tastes too good.  That is when the guilt and disgust of myself would come into play and I would be telling myself...no reason to stop...you are failing anyways.  That is when the ugly and mean would be coming full force in my head.

The new me understands that hiccups and mishaps are allowed and will happen.  You should acknowledge them and then move one.  Enjoy the family dinner out and not go overboard.  Enjoy the experience just as much as the food.  My two kiddos helped me this morning make the pie...watching my oldest get splashed as he was mixing dates and milk together made me smile.  G2 wanted to be sure the chocolate chips were not poisonous so she had to taste test before they went into the mix.  That time with them was just as delicious as the pie itself.  

Don't beat yourself up over every little bad moment.  Do hold yourself accountable and figure out what the cost of that hiccup is and pay up!  No need to punish yourself and have the negative thoughts.  You are only human...you will bounce back...you will make a better decision the next time.  Remove the guilt.

Embrace the suck...choose you!

It's all about the food, about the food...no problem ;)

When I am ON, things are easy.  When I PREPARE, I have success.  When I DEVIATE...all goes to POT!

The thing that you have to come to realize is that you truly WANT to embrace the suck and try to change.  You can talk, read, research, ponder making these changes but until you make the decision to actually do it and want to accept all consequences of this decision...only then you will have success.

A concept that is very hard to wrap your head around in the early parts of embracing is this...food will always be there.  Again-food was more my issue when trying to find the balance in my life...that was my weakness...and still is.  It is such a social, fun, carefree kind of atmosphere for so many people.  There are some people that are just blessed with a metabolism that doesn't stop so either does their appetite.  I on the other hand was blessed with my family's thighs and not a high rate of metabolism!  I now embrace my strong things and do my best to increase my metabolism.

With that I know how hard going off course can be and how much it STINKS to make that sacrifice when you are out and about with others that are not embracing that same suck!  I would have to talk myself into this situation, know that I could handle it and prepare for it the entire day.  A work out would be on the books for sure, lots of water would be going down, and I would if I could plan ahead what I would be eating at the event.  There are times when going to a friend's home that I would make sure to bring something that I know I could eat and not have the guilt.  That is not to say that a brownie or two from their serving tray did not make it's way to my plate.   That is why I would have worked out that day!

Back to the food...it will always be there!  Again-it will always be there!!  Just because it is someone's birthday and Aunt Susie made her famous coffee chocolate cake with amazing icing...you do not need to have FOUR pieces of it!  Pretty sure that cake will make an appearance in your life at some other time or you can grab the family recipe and have it served up for someone in your family's celebration.  Going out to dinner with family and friends is not a last supper!  That restaurant will be there the next day and the day after that.  The great thing about restaurants is you can go back to them.  You do NOT need to eat everything on your plate and everyone else's because you never get to this place.  

I know this is all easier said than done but that is where the embracing the suck comes into play.  If you want success sometimes you need a little sacrifice.  And again, if you are choosing to try to make this change for the better-you have to accept that sometimes it is going to suck.  You are going to want to go crazy and shove a bowl of chips and salsa in your mouth...10 chips taste just as good at 30.  

Now I will sit here and wait for my kids to get off the bus so we can have our yogurts together (mine is 80 calories, 12g of protein), it's my little reward for making it through the afternoon without snacking...I can sit with them and have a treat too while listening about their day.

Be prepared...plan ahead...listen to that voice in your head....EMBRACE THE SUCK...CHOOSE YOU!

Time after time

We all want more of it...want it to slow down...want it to stop for a moment to truly take in all that is happening...we want it to speed up so that we can get what we want sooner.  It is not guaranteed and it is not always in our favor.  We under schedule, over schedule, purposefully block out weekends so that we don't have to have a laundry list of other things to do!  Time is so very important to everyone and should not be taken for granted.

Maybe some people see running as a selfish sport...I have never thought of it that way...I have always thought of it as escape for me and my brain to remove myself from the whirlwind that is my life with four kids and a husband who trains for Ironman and give me time to be alone.  It allows me to appreciate the people in my life that much more because I have taken time for myself and a few deep breathes.  It allows me to feel whole and recharged and be complete with my family.  It shows me that I am still a strong girl that can push herself as needed and prove herself wrong on many occasions.

Today I wish time would speed up...I wish that it was 60 degrees and the sun was shining and the sky was that gorgeous blue we all have been missing so much lately.  I wish that the laundry was done, the house was picked up and we were going to have dinner out on the deck while listening to birds chirp and kids play in the creek.  I wish that we were done with the month of March right here on the first day of the month.  Alas, we have thirty more days to get through this LAMB/LION of a month.

This weekend I spent four hours of my "free" time running...I thought of anything and everything I could while I looped my neighborhood, got hit in the face with sleet and snow, and really just wanted it to be over.  I wanted so badly for the miles to fly by and just have the success at the end of a killer completed training run.  I had thought out what I would eat post 19 mile run and was so much looking forward to a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs WITH garlic bread!  Cookies with my tea was my reward for my 9 miles in the snow and sleet.  Little things that keep one foot going right in front of the other despite what the body really wants to do...generally long runs involve lots of thoughts of food!

I open the door to my house after these hours away from my family and what do I get but a roar of "MOMMY'S HOME" clapping and them all rushing to the door.  They are asking how I am...how did those long miles feel, you must be tired!!  You did it Mom!!  Great job!

So that is a time that I want to freeze.  I want to bottle up my family and keep them just as they are.  But the reality is this, time is needed, time heals all wounds, time allows us to grow, time is borrowed and time flies.  I have to embrace that this time that I choose to be away from my family is indeed for the best reason.  I am making the choice of me and making a stronger, better mommy and partner.  I can only hope that in the end, this will be the true benefit for my family. I hope that my kiddos follow in my footsteps down the line and choose themselves and set big lofty goals and have the support of their family and friends to help chase down that goal and kick it's butt!  

Tomorrow is Monday-an opportunity for a self reset, an opportunity for you to choose you and set yourself up for success in the upcoming week.  You can take the time needed today to prepare and get yourself into the right mindset.  You can make the choice to choose you and be in control of the time you spend on yourself.  You can make better choices and have better results for you!

Embrace the Suck...Choose You!

Time After Time...Cyndi Lauper