Here's the thing...

I went to two funerals in the past three weeks for my husband's grandparents, maternal and paternal.  It was sad and we cried and we remembered the good stuff.  We didn't talk about disagreements we might have had with them, but we remembered all the happy, joyful holidays, parties, and together times.  They lived very long lives, 96 and 93 years young.  As sad as we were that we will no longer be able to make more memories with them, there was an aspect that all of this will be okay.  A sense that they are still with us today and showing their faces and their spirit in our every day life.  We cried because we were happy to have them in our life and we were forever going to miss them.

So every day I make the choice to choose me.  I make the choice to try to make healthy choices and keep my body moving.  I try to include my children in this process so they will have an understanding of why I do this for me.  I do not choose my health over my time with them...I do not want to be away from them but only to be with them longer.  I do this so they will see what their parents choose to do.  We choose every day to make that hard choice and be a stronger person than we were the day before.  We do this not just for ourselves, but for the four sets of eyes that are staring at us daily.  We do this together.

I go on my long runs and most days I have yet to speak to anyone before I step foot out my door.  I love to sleep and take naps and snuggle in my cozy bed but 9 times out of 10 I wake up alone in my bed because my hubby is already up and in the basement getting his sweat on.  He set the alarm the night before AND got up when it went off.  Even though we don't work out together, doing our workouts at the same time is a huge accountability item for me.  I can't just roll over and not try.  I get up and shut up and just head out the door and enjoy the only silence I have over the course of the day.  I come back from this ready to greet those smiling faces and tackle the day.

We try so much every day to fill our days with everything that needs to be done to get us to the next day.  We are a constant running list of errands to complete and things to order or return or forms to be filled out.  We tend to forget about the happy and focus on the right now.  Many times we lose sight of the joy and look more to the execution.  We lose the importance of the process...the reason for this life.  So this holiday season I vow to chill out, to forget any disagreements, to spread the love and hopefully get some in return.  Life is to damn short to worry about whatever that argument might have been about because at the end of the day you probably forget.  Surround yourself with those that have a full heart and bring a smile to your face.  Slow yourself down and stop the spinning and give a hug just because.  Be happy to see the faces that you come across during the course of the day.  Just think how sad you would be if they didn't show up...and you would just have to miss them...forever.

Don't get me wrong...I will keep "my time" to keep me running as a happy elf this holiday season, I will do my best to be merry throughout the season and beyond...maybe my life will start to change as a result.

Embrace the suck...choose you...and smile-you are here!

Family Time...it can be hard time.

The holidays are upon us.  Generally with that is the upping of stress levels.  We have had two deaths in our family in the past two weeks so our stress levels are kinda at an all time high.  I knew this whole adulting thing would be tricky but not actually hard...these days it is just feeling really really hard. To go through my list of why life is so hard it would probably look a lot like your list.

-kids don't listen
-too much laundry
-house is in constant pick up and clean mode
-too many papers from school
-too many appointments/practices/rehearsals for kids
-grocery shopping-my kids eat us out of house and home
-laundry...did I mention laundry
-hubby working late
-me working late
-is the homework done
-didn't they bathe yesterday
-making lunches again!
-I made dinner and now I have to wash the dishes too
-will someone other than me empty the dishwasher
-any attempt at a social calendar
-any attempt at a date night with my hubby
-more laundry
-more feeding
-more dishes
-someone better clean the bathroom
-oh yeah...and make sure I am taking care of me too...sleep, run, eat, repeat

So yes...today is a bit of a rant...and all on the week that we are supposed to be more thankful than ever.  My family is going to be in a whirlwind for the next 72 hours and we should be so very thankful that we have such wonderful family members on both sides to keep us smiling, laughing, eating and drinking in merriment.  

I will now go pack our bags for our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow followed by a wake and funeral.  I am going to smile and cry, laugh and be silent, hug and be hugged all in happiness and sadness.  I will create more memories and reflect on old stories that will be told again and again to "remember when."  At the end of the day that is what it is about...the time we get however long or short is to live this life not just watch it go by.  For as frustrating as my day to day tasks may be for my little family, I am lucky, blessed and grateful despite all of my complaints.  I know that I get to do all of this for them and there are many people that dream of this.  

Please go hug those family members, pick up the phone and tell them you love them if you are not together and framily is just as amazing as family.  Friends that are like family...they are there for you because they choose to be, not because they have to be.  

I love you Orange Mustache?!?

Just put my hand in my bathrobe pocket, yes still wearing my bathrobe at 2:30 on a Wednesday afternoon, don't judge...and found this little gem.  I am loved and my job is to just love on my little family as much as I can and try to keep us all whole.  I know that my needs may not always come first but I do know I am on the list too.  My family knows this too and as we are thankful for our time together but know we are only stronger when we can grow a little bit on our own too.

Embrace the suck...choose you...enjoy your family time and love the ones you are with!

Here I go again on my own....

Sing it with me!  Fall is now in full swing here in NoVa and we have a quick lull of craziness before all the holidays start up again.  Sports are coming to a close and decorations are being put away before the red and green overtake my house in just two weeks.  This year like every other year seems to be in super speed.

Everything is in super speed but me, I am tired and a bit burnt out.  I went for my annual doctor's visit the other day and the only thing that I am going fast through is the aging process.  I went in to the doctor that I have been seeing for more than 15 years and I was not there to have a baby sonogram and listen to a heartbeat.  All these first time mommies were there with their sweet little bellies and partners holding their hands in the waiting rooms.  I dropped G4 off with hubby so I can go alone and there I sat in a room full of families alone.  It was awfully sad and wonderful at the same time.  

I have come to accept that we are at the point in our life where there aren't a ton of "firsts" but a greater appreciation for the growth that each of my kiddos has worked for.  I love hearing my 12 year old sound beautiful when playing his saxophone, my nine year old biking with me on a run for seven miles and not once complaining while feeling confident of herself in charge of her bike, having my kindergarten master reading through a book solo, and my baby boy just being him...going along for the ride without complaining.  Our list of firsts is different and with all of this change that is happening I need to keep me and hubby's goals in the picture too!  Adulting is so hard!

So I had my binge fest of 100 grand, milky ways, snickers, kit kats, and almond joys...couldn't decide which one was the best....I pulled my big girl pants on and said no more pity party.  Life is different and things are changing, and there is no more Hawaii to look forward to.  You have to keep the light burning within yourself.  We removed the dreaded candy,  I logged into myfitnesspal and got back into my routine of 32 oz of water before each meal.  In two weeks I am down almost three pounds.  I know it's not about the number but my gosh I already feel better.   At the end of the day I am proud that I stuck with my plan and stayed within my range.  When you hit that complete diary button on MFP and it says if every day was like this in 5 weeks you would weigh X...I love that X number every time!  I know I have this in me...I know what hard works feel like,..I like to work hard for a reward.  

2015 NJ Marathon

So I have set my goal for the spring and I hope to hit it.  I have looked back at old pics of the girl that didn't quit and hopefully she will continue to give me strength!  I am going to get through these holidays without eating all my awesome holiday cookies and yummy appetizers at get togethers.  Those are my weak spots, I know this, I am prepared, I am doing this without question, there are no excuses.  I will gain motivation from those around me, I will look to my family for support.  This may seem a bit dire but I can tell you not feeling like you is also pretty dire.  Telling yourself that you will refocus in the new year is not the answer.  Today is a new day, one we are given, one others have fought for and I am not going to let that slide.  Yes...that was just me giving me a pep talk...I may need to read this each morning...don't be fooled, every day is hard and every day is a choice.  I am going to continue on my path, hope for supporters along the way, and maybe a parade will form as we march on together into uncovering a new stronger self!

Embrace the suck...choose you...start it up!