I went to two funerals in the past three weeks for my husband's grandparents, maternal and paternal. It was sad and we cried and we remembered the good stuff. We didn't talk about disagreements we might have had with them, but we remembered all the happy, joyful holidays, parties, and together times. They lived very long lives, 96 and 93 years young. As sad as we were that we will no longer be able to make more memories with them, there was an aspect that all of this will be okay. A sense that they are still with us today and showing their faces and their spirit in our every day life. We cried because we were happy to have them in our life and we were forever going to miss them.
So every day I make the choice to choose me. I make the choice to try to make healthy choices and keep my body moving. I try to include my children in this process so they will have an understanding of why I do this for me. I do not choose my health over my time with them...I do not want to be away from them but only to be with them longer. I do this so they will see what their parents choose to do. We choose every day to make that hard choice and be a stronger person than we were the day before. We do this not just for ourselves, but for the four sets of eyes that are staring at us daily. We do this together.
I go on my long runs and most days I have yet to speak to anyone before I step foot out my door. I love to sleep and take naps and snuggle in my cozy bed but 9 times out of 10 I wake up alone in my bed because my hubby is already up and in the basement getting his sweat on. He set the alarm the night before AND got up when it went off. Even though we don't work out together, doing our workouts at the same time is a huge accountability item for me. I can't just roll over and not try. I get up and shut up and just head out the door and enjoy the only silence I have over the course of the day. I come back from this ready to greet those smiling faces and tackle the day.
We try so much every day to fill our days with everything that needs to be done to get us to the next day. We are a constant running list of errands to complete and things to order or return or forms to be filled out. We tend to forget about the happy and focus on the right now. Many times we lose sight of the joy and look more to the execution. We lose the importance of the process...the reason for this life. So this holiday season I vow to chill out, to forget any disagreements, to spread the love and hopefully get some in return. Life is to damn short to worry about whatever that argument might have been about because at the end of the day you probably forget. Surround yourself with those that have a full heart and bring a smile to your face. Slow yourself down and stop the spinning and give a hug just because. Be happy to see the faces that you come across during the course of the day. Just think how sad you would be if they didn't show up...and you would just have to miss them...forever.
Don't get me wrong...I will keep "my time" to keep me running as a happy elf this holiday season, I will do my best to be merry throughout the season and beyond...maybe my life will start to change as a result.
Embrace the suck...choose you...and smile-you are here!