Friday, November 11, 2016

Here I go again on my own....

Sing it with me!  Fall is now in full swing here in NoVa and we have a quick lull of craziness before all the holidays start up again.  Sports are coming to a close and decorations are being put away before the red and green overtake my house in just two weeks.  This year like every other year seems to be in super speed.

Everything is in super speed but me, I am tired and a bit burnt out.  I went for my annual doctor's visit the other day and the only thing that I am going fast through is the aging process.  I went in to the doctor that I have been seeing for more than 15 years and I was not there to have a baby sonogram and listen to a heartbeat.  All these first time mommies were there with their sweet little bellies and partners holding their hands in the waiting rooms.  I dropped G4 off with hubby so I can go alone and there I sat in a room full of families alone.  It was awfully sad and wonderful at the same time.  

I have come to accept that we are at the point in our life where there aren't a ton of "firsts" but a greater appreciation for the growth that each of my kiddos has worked for.  I love hearing my 12 year old sound beautiful when playing his saxophone, my nine year old biking with me on a run for seven miles and not once complaining while feeling confident of herself in charge of her bike, having my kindergarten master reading through a book solo, and my baby boy just being him...going along with for the ride without complaining.  Our list of firsts is different and with all of this change that is happening I need to keep me and hubby's goals in the picture too!  Adulting is so hard!

So I had my binge fest of 100 grand, milky ways, snickers, kit kats, and almond joys...couldn't decide which one was the best....I pulled my big girl pants on and said no more pity party.  Life is different and things are changing, and there is no more Hawaii to look forward to.  You have to keep the light burning within yourself.  We removed the dreaded candy,  I logged into myfitnesspal and got back into my routine of 32 oz of water before each meal.  In two weeks I am down almost three pounds.  I know it's not about the number but my gosh I already feel better.   At the end of the day I am proud that I stuck with my plan and stayed within my range.  When you hit that complete diary button on MFP and it says if every day was like this in 5 weeks you would weigh X...I love that X number every time!  I know I have this in me...I know what hard works feel like,..I like to work hard for a reward.  

2015 NJ Marathon
So I have set my goal for the spring and I hope to hit it.  I have looked back at old pics of the girl that didn't quit and hopefully she will continue to give me strength!  I am going to get through these holidays without eating all my awesome holiday cookies and yummy appetizers at get togethers.  Those are my weak spots, I know this, I am prepared, I am doing this without question, there are no excuses.  I will gain motivation from those around me, I will look to my family for support.  This may seem a bit dire but I can tell you not feeling like you is also pretty dire.  Telling yourself that you will refocus in the new year is not the answer.  Today is a new day, one we are given, one others have fought for and I am not going to let that slide.  Yes...that was just me giving me a pep talk...I may need to read this each morning...don't be fooled, every day is hard and every day is a choice.  I am going to continue on my path, hope for supporters along the way, and maybe a parade will form as we march on together into uncovering a new stronger self!

Embrace the suck...choose you...start it up!

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