Hoping for the best

Eleven years ago today I became a mom.  I was 26 years old, married to my college sweetheart and ready to welcome a beautiful little baby girl into the world named Reagan Leigh.  I had my baby shower with family and friends, "sugar and spice and everything nice" and prepped and nested till my heart was content.  We were ready to welcome into the world this healthy little baby girl.

Headed to the hospital and was just very excited that the day was finally here.  I was so excited to have a little baby girl while hubby was still warming up to the fact that there was not going to be a football thrown immediately with this pink bundle.  My doctor had checked on me at around 7am that day and then was back just before 12pm and said I was ready to go.  I can here my doctor saying...come on Reagan.  Ben and I both had our pink going home outfits to match little baby girl's outfit.  We were ready!

Well...people are not perfect and that day how ever many months earlier...the lab tech was having an off day.  She told me baby girl and in fact there was a bouncing baby boy waiting to meet us.  It was quite a shock and a story that still makes me smile to this day!  Out came this 8 pound little boy and my doctor said...It's A BOY?!?!?!  His voice was so funny....like oh no...they were wrong!  Ben then may had mentioned the size of certain things that may swell during delivery...but then had the biggest smile on his face I can ever remember.  All of his fear and anxiousness over a little baby girl were put to the side and his excitement and joy for a baby boy were pushed to the front.  He felt like he could handle a boy for the first time through a bit easier.

Surprise!!

So here we were with this baby boy...that did not have a name for two days as we never came to an agreement on a boys name...so I referred to him as buddy, mister, cutie pie and baby boy.  My mother in law's boyfriend came in with a HUGE pink balloon and when we told them it was a boy he said...holy crap!  and quickly exchanged his balloon for a blue one.  We received a showering of blue, green and red onesies with footballs, teddy bears and trucks in the mail via family and friends.  When I tell you we did not have one stitch of green or yellow...it was all pink and purple.  All was switched out at home before we made our arrival.   Reagan was never on the name list for any of our other children...that ship had sailed.

So here he is today...eleven years old and becoming this strong, smart, determined young man.  He is faced with challenges far greater than I did when I was his age...it is a different time.  As I want him to stay little forever, want to snuggle with me and read a book or ask me to play a game with him...I know those days are few remaining.  He is typical first child, wanting to help me out as much as he can, do his best in all aspects of life...trying to be the number one.  He does well in school, loves to play sports, is the funniest and silliest kid around...and all together a good kid.  I can only hope this will last.

He was given the spirit award on his summer swim team this summer.  He is not the fastest kid in the pool but gives his all at every meet and has the look of defeat when it doesn't go in his favor.  He has the same competitive gene that I do and I suppose that is a blessing and a curse.  The spirit award is for the kid that supports other members on the team, motivating for others, helpful to those that need it, respectful to coaches and other teammates, and a rule follower.  I will take that over the fastest swimmer any day.  For all the pressures that he has around him...for that to be something he is remembered for...I am beyond honored.  

Eleven years went by pretty quickly...I am not in a rush for him to grow up any faster because once he wants to stop playing cars with his baby brother, or let his sisters do his hair and dress him up...it's over.  He will be this big kid in this house...his voice will lower...his shoes will get bigger and bigger...and I can only hope that he will still want to snuggle every once and again.

Starting a family is a exciting yet frightening thing...one I can't believe I did at the young age of 26.  I was naive and scared and did my very best...I had all the guilt of being a working mom and not being there on his first birthday when he took his first steps at daycare.  I tried to get him involved in sports and activities I thought he would like and schedule playdates and meetups to keep him entertained.  My husband and I were this team that was starting to create our bench and he was our first pick...a surprise pick...but the still the first member of team G!  It was the best times of my life.

Now as I sit typing and he watches his shows on his birthday morning all sprawled out on a chair that makes him look longer than he actually is...I am beyond words proud of him.  He has become this mini version of my husband and I with a zest for life and humor that I don't always get but still appreciate.  At 26 I was hoping this would all be easy and fun and at the eleven year mark...I can say it was not all easy or fun but definitely worth it.  We will continue on raising this little man boy...and hope for the best.  Hope he continues to make smart choices and does the right thing.  The controls are shifting with every year he ages...that's okay....or so I keep telling myself.

Embrace the suck...choose you...and sometimes you just have to hope for the best!