All signs pointed to change...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the me before I first ever made a change.  I remember doing Atkins diets in college and then a week later just eating pasta for every meal at the dining hall followed by a chicken sandwich from the local pizza house at 1am after a full night of drinking.  I don't really remember becoming heavy and losing control I just remember needing to make a few purchases of new clothing and stretching out a lot of old clothing.  No one in my life was saying anything one way or another so I just kept going with business as usual.  College was supposed to be fun and I was having it!

I have stumbled across this picture so many times when looking for some before pictures down in the basement and I just couldn't bring myself to share it.  Then I said today if I still have that old bathing suit I will try it on and do a before and after pic.  I was 22 years old in this pic and on my senior year spring break with my girlfriends.  I was very comfortable in my own skin and now looking back still happy about that.  Happy that people didn't make me feel unhappy.  I remember the chocolate buffet night on the cruise ship....that was my favorite night!

2000 vs. 2015

I don't think that I am better person because of the choices I make today verses the choices I made 15 years ago.  I do think that I am a healthier, stronger, happier and a better example for my now four children.  I remember when I went to one of my early OB/GYN appointments when Ben and I were first married and my doctor said to me..."Wow...I really don't believe you weigh as much as you do.  You don't look like you do.  Let's get your thyroid checked out."  I had never even heard of thyroid issues and didn't think we had that in our family history but if it meant there was an answer to me being heavy...I was all ears. The doctor seemed alarmed so I guess I should have been too.

I went and got my blood drawn and can remember the doctor calling me to say that all was great with my thyroid...no issues there.  I remember calling Ben to tell him I received the results...and the answer was I was just heavy.  Growing up I was not heavy but merely a big boned athletic built girl.  I was definitely the bigger girl in the class but nothing to what I brought my self to at the age of 22.  That phone call was pretty devastating.  A change needed to happen.

I don't remember the date of that testing but I know it was before we were trying to have kids.  I remember sitting in the parking lot and crying.  I remember thinking that this was a ray of hope and I was in the dark again.  

So enough chatter from my girlfriend who lived out of town who was having success with Weight Watchers and I decided this was going to be my method of change.  I can write things down, I can weigh things, I can read sides of boxes, and I can exercise a bit.  It was not rocket science and the basic principles of in verses out were finally right in front of me...It was time for a change...I was ready.

This is not me saying I am perfect or made all the right choices.  I know still to this day I have struggles.  Lunch the other day of leftover brownie/chocolate chip cookie muffins from my son's bday celebration with a side of reeses pieces is not success.  But it is life.  My daily food logging and exercise may be a bit over the top for some people but for me it works.  It has worked more than five times of me tackling a fairly large weight loss pre babies, in between babies, and post babies.  I tried it based on a whim from a friend and it gave me the tools I needed to be ready to battle those pounds when they crept back into my life.

And now I sit in a place where my goal has been met...still with perfect viewing to the other me...knowing she can creep in at any time.  I still look at my body and there are things I would like to change.  Food doesn't scare me in that I think I can't control myself around it.  I know that if a day gets out of hand it's only one day.  I have had success too many times to let one day of failure kick me out.  I wake up the next morning, get my workout in, eat my oatmeal, and log my stuff.  It is what I need to do to keep me in the zone.  One of the most amazing things that has come out of this whole transformation is that I now look forward to my exercise on most days and the thought of trying out a new fun recipe that may be vegetarian when we would have never tried otherwise...is exciting.  I get excited over being able to handle the changes and challenges my body is going through and want to see what it will be capable of next.  

I am putting it all out there with this picture to really show you that a change can happen.  You can start the process and keep it going even though life events may derail you over time.  You can get back on the wagon and keep pushing.  You can try a little harder every day.  It is scary but you are not alone...your support system is there waiting to help you along the way.  As those little changes stack up and before you know it you are having BIG results.  Things will get easier, you will feel better on the inside and out...and everyone around you will see this new you.  You will shine!

Embrace the suck...choose you.