Friday, June 26, 2015

Up, down and back around

I weigh myself every morning...good bad or indifferent, that is what I do.  There are days where I know the number will be good and there are days were I know the number will be bad.  It generally speaks right back to the day or two before when I know I had that extra snack in the day when I really didn't have the calories allotted for it.  You may think I am crazy to track all this stuff, weigh, measure and keep at it every day.  I know the exercising is getting to a new level of crazy for me with this training, but even with all of that...there are days when after a weekend of good ol' fashion fun...I am up easily four pounds or so and that next week stinks.

This has now happened to me two weeks in a row.  Monday I am up and then I spend the week trying my best to get back down.  With all the exercising in my schedule right now I am CRAZY hungry.  I want to eat all day long.  I eat back my calories every day from every workout.  I am not starving myself.  I am making the smartest choices I can day and night so that I can eat as much food as possible over the course of a given day.  I know that birthday parties have cake and I love myself a piece or two of cake.  There are not too many sweets I can say no to, well maybe a watermelon flavored sugar cookie that was disguised as a regular iced sugar cookie that a dear friend tried to trick me with.

Anyways...back to up and down.  So I have been over 200 pounds when I was 23 years old and that did not involve any pregnancies.  I have been 200 pounds pregnant with each of my four children and I was even lucky enough to get pretty close to 200 pounds in between some of those babies as well.  Weight is HARD to lose and food is too good to not eat it.  Exercise is exhausting and time consuming and requires more laundry to be done.  All things that point in the direction of no thank you.

pre babies
So these four pounds that have crept up on me a few times over the past month...I will call them my summer layer.  It will consist of chips and guacamole, ice cream sundaes, hot dogs AND a cheeseburger at a cookout because one just isn't enough.  And then there is always that delicious cold beer...I love beer.  My activity level remains the same or increased during these months but unfortunately so does my intake.  So how does one tell themselves to stop.

I remember back in 2001 when I was going to Weight Watchers meetings and our leader, Marcy, would actually have us as a class out loud say, "No Thank You."  She would have us say it more than once to show that in fact we can say the words we just forget to use them at that moment of weakness.  She also had us realize that BLT's or Bites, Licks and Tastes add up.  It is so easy to have the other half of your daughter's donut that her younger brother didn't want to eat at Friday Donut Day at swim team.  It is so easy to finish the 1/4 of a sandwich of pb&j on fresh potato bread that sits at the table when they forget to clear their area.  I think that is probably one of the main reasons we have them clear their spots, doesn't give me the chance to grab a bite or goes directly to the trash.  

I am not sure where my drive or motivation comes from.  I know that I will always have a moment of weakness when I have seconds of something that I really don't need to have at all.  I know that I want to enjoy myself and not feel pressure to worry about food all day long.  I remember how horrible I felt when I was heavier.  For me carrying that extra weight brought me down.  I kept my smile on my face but inside I was anything but happy.  Everyday was a buffet and I was not taking in any form of exercise.  Fork to lips was all the lifting I was doing. 

This omission of my situation in life is for you to see that you can do it.  You can dig yourself out of the hole that you have cornered yourself in and you can make the right choices.  You can still have your life with a good dose of exercise and proper nutrition and enjoy it too.  You can have days where the scale goes up and down but remember to refocus and get back on track.  Remember the little things add up on both sides, good and bad.  Little fitness challenges every month will give you great results, but little bites and tastes of extra food over the month add up too...not in a good way.

My motivation is knowing how hard it was to do this so many times over the past fourteen years.  I know that our family is complete so the only weight I would put on from this point on is my doing.  I know that this is where I want to be and where I want to stay.  I know the tools that are required and I just have to make that choice every day.  I am only accountable to myself but I just don't want to do it all again.  It is easier to make the better choice each day and keep on track then to fight myself, lose motivation, and get back into that dark corner.   Every day I get stronger, faster and that keeps me going.  I want to beat the old me every day...I am a competitor with myself and that will always be the case.  This new me will keep me out of the darkness for sure.

Embrace the suck...choose you! 

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