It's still hard

May has come and gone and here we are in June.  I used every excuse I could think of last month to just "enjoy" myself...I had days where I didn't exercise and days in which I had more than my fair share of sweets.  I slept in...did my best to fit in some sort of activity...didn't finish my monthly challenge...just gave myself a "break."

As much as I believe you need to let your body rebuild and regroup there is a point where indulge turns into over indulge.  I knew it was happening...I could feel myself losing the control and eating mindlessly.  I could see those old habits and feel them start to creep in on me.  I was losing my motivation and starting to feel down...all because I was "enjoying" myself.

It's crazy how the mind works...well at least mine...all that month I could feel the slipping of my routine...I was aware it was happening...I would tell myself it was happening...and yet I still let it happen.  The other part of my mind was telling myself I deserved the break...I worked so hard...it was time to chill out.

For me...it's harder to recover from that month of relaxation then to just stay on point.  I enjoy fitness, I enjoy healthy food and am happier when those things stay in their routine.  I am not perfect, far from it...but for me that routine allows my brain to just go into autopilot.  I can just do my day to day routine and know that it is not hard.  The hard part is fighting back from those poor choices.

Some of you that are just getting to hear my story may thing that fitness and running have always been a part of me...and I am just this extreme oversharer enthusiastic crazy mom of four and wife of a four time IronMan.  While that last sentence is true it was not the case when I started this journey...23 years old...200 pounds...and not happy...not even thinking of my full potential.  I learned through all of this that you sometimes don't know what you want until you find it.  I never thought I would want push myself hard on a daily basis and enjoy feeling sore.  I would never think smoothies with kale and rice made out of cauliflower would be on my dinner plate.  I never knew a stronger me was waiting to come out!

remembering the beginning of the story

Running this morning was not ideal...it hurt...my legs are sore from starting up a squat routine again...and my body is just heavy...heavy to carry...heavy to push...heavy to motivate.  I needed this bad run to remind myself of how far I have come...to remember how great it feels when I can run without this extra strenuousness effort.  I needed to remind myself that this is never easy...it's still hard.  Take the time today to regroup... and maybe realize that you don't need to "enjoy" yourself anymore...and it's time to work a bit so you can celebrate your journey...finding that new you on the other side of it all!

Embrace the Suck...Choose Your Hard...it's okay that it's hard...it's worth it!