Two years ago I started this journey and one year ago I started talking about it openly. That first year was a lot of me focused on improving, motivating and telling myself I could do it. I knew what my goal was, I knew what I had to do EVERY SINGLE DAY to get there...and I knew I was silently creeping up on this goal. When January 26th 2015 rolled around I was so proud of myself for sticking with all the logging of food, hours on the treadmill and telling myself no to some tempting things and yes to some very challenging things.
Today is the one year mark of my first blog entry. I didn't really think anyone would want to listen to my ramblings but I know the struggle, I know that I am not the only woman out there dealing with all these issues of guilt, lack of belief in oneself, fear of change, fear of failure, and pure lack of motivation. I thought maybe I could show that the impossible is possible...and it's hard and tiring but very worth it in the end. And yes the end is truly ongoing because as I sit here today, I am not where I was one year ago. The scale does not read the same number and that is okay, it is not all about the number. That is one thing I have learned over this year...and here are few others
I know that every day is not going to be perfect. This used to freak me out because during that first year I was really on top of things. I weighed and measured every single item. Today I still do weigh and measure but my eye has gotten accustomed to what an ounce of avocado looks like. I also remember my WW leader back in the day saying we all didn't get here from having too many fruits and vegetables. If my calories are done for the day I will still have a salad with dinner because nothing bad is going to come out of having a bowl of spinach and fresh crisp veggies.
I still love working out but I also know that I have to have a goal to work towards. I am not they type of person that will just start doing sit ups for the fun of it or run 13 miles because it's a beautiful day. Yes I love my run on a sun filled afternoon but truly love it because it brings me closer to my goal of an upcoming race. My monthly challenges for abs or squats or arms are a constant build and thirty days later I can feel and see a difference in myself.
My family has been amazing through all of this. I am playing catch up on my monthly challenge and I had 120 mountain climbers to do last night. They were all in the kitchen and watching me do my thing. Sure enough my eight year old came over and said she would do them with me. I told her after that I had 60 tricep dips. Her response, I am not sure what those are but you can show me and I'll do them too. Having them cheer me on at my events over this year makes my heart so happy. Sharing this adventure with my husband as he works towards his goals only brings us closer together. We both know the sacrifice and determination we are putting towards these goals and have a high level of respect for each other. Our kids are receiving an amazing lesson on life.
This year has also taught me to believe so much more in myself. Not the believing of just standing taller and feeling stronger...but willing to take on bigger risks. Risks like pushing myself in a marathon and willing to tackle it again but with a stronger, harder plan in 2016 without thinking twice. I know that it will be killer and days will come when I don't want to run...but I will still do it and do it with everything I have. Completing a half iron distance triathlon was never on my radar but waking up so very early to get my swims in before the day began and then hopping on my bike to get the brick workout complete...never did I think this would be something that would excite me or light a fire in my belly that I never knew existed.
Being a mom is also not what defines me. I am more than than the laundry lady, the nurse, the short order cook, the finder of all lost things, and the maid. I made a choice back in January of 2014 to put myself on the list. With that my kids have become more independent, have built stronger relationships with each other, and are aware that their mom has a goal in mind as well. They realize that my wants are just as important as theirs and with that they may have to wait for what that immediate need is to be satisfied.
I have also changed my idea of what I wanted to become in this journey. I thought it was about a certain number on the scale and a certain size of jeans. While those two items are indicators of how things may be going for me at a given time they are not the items that define me. I know now that strong is sexy and having the power to get things accomplished for me...to uncover new goals is just as appealing as that next size of jeans. Pushing myself harder, faster and further than my initial self felt I could go. Nothing changes if nothing changes and I love the growth I have uncovered in this process.
So here is my year to year comparison pics...While Ben's party did not happen this year due to Blizzard Jonas...I still had to get myself dressed up for the pic. I didn't go on a diet, or start a fad workout plan...I decided that I needed to take better care of myself and that this was to be a lifestyle change...one that I plan on keeping forever. Hard is not impossible...it's just hard and you can do it...believe it you!
Embrace the Suck...Choose you!!