Wednesday, September 9, 2015

burnt out

Came back from my LONG bike ride this past weekend, 50 miles, it was LONG.  My training partner and I were joined by our coach for the first 40 or so and then we were on our own to finish strong.  Knowing we will have to only do 6 more miles on race day seems extremely manageable...running a half marathon afterwards is another thing!  The training is getting long and not necessarily harder but just more exhausting.  38 days does not seem that long but the idea of keeping up the training for another 4.5 weeks before our taper seems DAUNTING....we are BURNT OUT.  It is only fitting that when I entered our house that day my husband had burnt a tortilla in the toaster oven...the smell of being burnt out lingered in the air.

The month leading up to something big... whether it's a race, wedding, baby being born, school starting, test to be are just done.  You know that you still have to wait just a little bit more for that amazing thing to happen.  In that lag time you need a lot of self talk and building yourself back up.  The idea of throwing in the towel never really comes across my mind but gosh what I would give to go to sleep one night knowing I don't have to set the alarm super early to make it do the keep pushing forward.  Life is just tiring and emotionally and physically draining.  Throw in a big goal and you know a whole new level!

The thing about setting goals is have to work EVERY day to reach them.  There is no snooze button, no day off, no time out.  Please don't take this as me guilting or preaching that what you are or aren't doing is wrong.  This is just a reminder that hard is not impossible and that if you want something enough you will do whatever it takes to make it happen.  

I never liked summer before because I did not wear shorts and the skirts and dresses I wore just made me crazy hot and the chub rub was out of control.  Then came fall..hated that too.  All the cute jeans, boots and cozy sweaters...I would of rather just stayed in my stretched out yoga pants and over sized t shirt.  Winter was jackets and making me appear even bigger than I already was.  Spring...bring out the cute stuff again that I just wasn't going to was not a fun place to be...any season.  I remember I used to LOVE to buy bedding...still do...but I bought my seasonal bedding and LOTS of shoes because neither of those items were limited on my size.

So now my hard work has paid off...I can go into my newly purged closet and put clothes on my body that fit AND bring me joy.  Knowing that I worked my butt off, literally and figuratively, makes them feel even better on my body!  It is not only about how these clothes fit but it's about how I feel.  It's about putting something on and feeling so good in it that you just smile because that pair of jeans you bought a million years ago in the hopes of maybe one day fitting...and then today is the day-they fit.  And the bigger reward of managing to pull this off while raising my four kiddos and supporting my husband with his goals of another Ironman...and getting myself to tackle a half iron distance...craziness.  I don't think I deserve a medal but a big grin across my face in a dressing room every once and again will do.

So the burnt out will resurface again but I know that I can stifle it down quickly...I know that I am stronger than giving into that temptation.  I will continue to control my controllables.  I will drink my water, do my workouts, get my kids where they need to go, read books to the littles, help the bigs with their homework, make dinners...get through the day...I am not going to try to compete with anyone but me...I am hard enough.  Please know that I have my fair days of crappy food eating...but I know that I will have to make up for it. There is a price for everything-a price I will continue to pay.  I know that every early morning long boring swim and humid as heck run or bike will continue to keep me pushing forward.  There will be times of set back, too many brownies eaten, beers consumed...but the next day is the new day.  The next day we get to make the better, smarter choice to choose you...and put a huge grin across your face.

Embrace the suck...choose you...and smile...the burnt out feeling will pass soon.

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