Monday, March 6, 2017

how do you start when it seems so daunting

I think that people see me throughout the week and I am running literally through our town and when I'm not I'm probably in some level of transition from a run, or to a run, or running late to an activity while in my active wear ;)  Some may think this is always how I have been, that I love exercising so much and I am just so lucky that it comes naturally to me.  Others may believe that I must have it all together and have great time management skills.  I am here to debunk these thoughts.

Me...being me...loud, silly, and a little bit happy.

I am a mom of four kids aged from 12-4 years old. I am a nervous that my middle schooler is going to get introduced to drugs and get his heart broken, my 9 year old is going to be a bully or get bullied by girls that should be lifting her up instead of beating her down, my 6 year old will tell me of a symptom that I say is a growing pain and it turns out to be something so much more, and that my little 4 year old will run after a ball into the street and the car coming towards him will be texting and not see him.  I am a mom and a worrier and want them to just be happy and healthy and enjoy this life that my husband and I try so hard to make for them.

I am a wife of 15 years to my college sweetheart.  This is the man that I met when I was 18 and knew he was the one.  This is the guy that I stayed up all night long and talked to on the phone and we made plans...big beautiful plans.  I hope that our love for each other is stronger than the statistics that loom out there and we can conquer any mountain, figuratively or literally, strong together.  I hope that our passion for health and fitness will serve us well and keep us on our toes for the life of our children and for our later years when it is just us traveling and doing races in our RV wherever we feel like going.

I am a woman who gets so caught up in her family and training that sometimes forgets to be just a girl with her friends.  I need to remind myself to laugh and relax and not be so focused but at the same time not lose sight of these big lofty goals that I have set.  I need to not stress that I say no to things with friends because it is a conflict with a early morning run the next day and they will still love me.  I need to try to do so delicately and keep that balance and smile.

I am an athlete.  In high school I played field hockey, basketball and softball.  Field hockey was my favorite and where I found the most success and passion with a sport.  In my college years I was never active, I never ran, went to a gym, went on a hike, nothing.  I was not an athlete and I was inactive.  It breaks my heart to think I just stopped and not quite sure the reason why.

I am an athlete...I found a friend who had a passion for running and that is all it took.  It was one suggestion for a race of a distance I never thought I could tackle.  So I am back to being an athlete, a runner, a triathlete...and still a mom, wife and woman.  I have found a community of fellow moms, wives and women within my athlete community and they bring me so much happiness.   I am not a girl afraid to ask a guy to go for a run either. I am so inspired, motivated and driven not just because of my kiddos and husband but because of the people I choose to surround myself with.  I see challenges that they rise to both emotionally and physically and I am intrigued...I want to know how they did it...what tools did they use...who helped them...what can I learn.  I have changed my view of these situations.  I am no longer jealous, no longer angry at myself, no longer comparing what I am not in comparison to them.  

I am me.  At the end of every day that is the person I have to be happy with.  I try to be a better me than the day before and some days that is the case...other days I skip my cross training day and eat half of a muffin.  So I guess the answer to my question is pretty straight forward.  You just keep being you, you find a strong group of people that will encourage you, and you have to want it more than you want to give an excuse.  You have to be okay to not have it all together, you have to know that all days will not be perfect and it will take a long time to finally find that amazing goal attained.  You have to find the joy in the steps, the people, the experiences, the stepping stones.  

The hardest part in all of this is not the long run on a cold Saturday morning while training for your spring is making the decision to do it and taking that first step.  That is truly the hardest part.  Hopefully the crew that you have around you will lift you up and be there for you when you knock yourself down.  Take the first step, be the risk taker, believe in you.  Never in a million years would I believe I could pull out an near 7 minute mile on the final mile of a ten mile run.  Never in a million years would I think that would be something I would be excited about.  Find your passion and you will surprise yourself with what you will will be amazing.

Embrace the suck...choose you...take that first step.

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