Looking at days through different eyes

Every morning I wake up in my house with my hubby and four healthy kids.  We get up, we have our breakfast and we start our day.  We are fortunate to have clothes to wear and food in our belly, well aware that is not the case everywhere.  I get to watch my kids learn new things, tackle challenges and handle failure with grace.  I am so very very lucky.

As I picked up my big four year old today and carried him over to wash his hands after lunch I had that moment when I realized I surely can't do this with his big brother.  There are so many things that I used to do, with all of my kids, that I just can't do any more.  Sure my 12 year old would love me to try to pick him up and carry him across the room just to test if I had any super human strength.  While I consider myself a strong girl...not sure I would give that a try.  While I used to walk into his room smelling of baby lotion and new diapers, it now has that almost teenager funky smell that even though I wash everything it still lingers.

no fear for either of us

I took my little guy to the park today and he ran in circles.  I was there with just him and was the older mom.  It was strange...I didn't have a diaper bag, a sippy cup in hand, a stroller lugging all of our supplies...it was just me watching him run and I had little to no fear that he was going to fall or break something.  Not that I would put it past him, we are coming up on his one year head smashing anniversary!  I watched these new moms with their beautiful little babies and I was reminded yet again how lucky I am.  My four are amazing and wonderful and fulfilling.   They challenge each other and me daily and I am grateful.

It then had me wondering about how I keep saying that I do all these things to make me a better mom and wife for my people.  It reminded me that so many of my people's "firsts" are behind them but only to then realize that those are the baby firsts...and my big kid firsts are going to be just as mind blowing and intense as those little chick-let teeth and first cut baby curls.  It started to get me a bit emotional but I held it together...can't cry in front of those new parents.  I realized that these big little kids are now joining me in so many of my firsts.  They are a part of the process of uncovering the new and stronger mom.  That moment when my daughter high fived me in the finish chute at my first half iron triathlon is still a favorite memory of mine.  My baby boy asking if he can do push ups with me to get stronger.  My oldest genuinely concerned on how far I am running today and if he can help out with anything as I am probably beat.  And then there is my baby girl who just loves on me so hard every day and tells me how much I stink after a run.  They are just as much a part of this journey as any bike ride I take or mile I run.  They will help me uncover firsts for me just as I was there for theirs.

I took this pic this morning as I was watching my baby boy crawl all over the rocks.  I thought that maybe I should have taken one without him in it to show the beauty of that park in its entirety.  I quickly realized how silly that would be.  Each one of my people...all the way to the biggest monkey, my husband, add so much beauty to this entire journey.  As each phase passes with this crew I am not sad but eager to see what the next one brings.  For as much energy these little people suck out of my every day...they fill me up ten times over.

heart is full

Embrace the suck...choose you...we are lucky.