Friday, April 22, 2016

What can I say?

I decided to go ALL IN!  

We set our own limitations and I do not consider myself superwoman...I am a mom with four kiddos, a spouse that works his butt off, a friend that tries her best to help when you ask or don't, and a woman who wants to not lose sight of herself in the process.

When I started running 8 years ago I thought it would be something I would do for a bit to get me back into shape.  I then realized that it will in fact get and KEEP me in shape...and I found that I truly enjoy it.  I love how I feel when a run is complete...not just because it is done...but I feel whole.  I have seen a meme that says it's funny how the most exhausting thing I do all day is the most relaxing.  I totally get that!!  I don't think I set out to be a runner who is trying for big lofty goals.  I think that my relationship with fitness evolved much like my relationship with all husband, food, a new friend.  It was not love at first sight but over time I knew it was something that would complete me.

My fitness goals became bigger, stronger, more precise and with that my plans had to change.  I was not trying to be perfect or number one...I was just trying to be right for me.  I hold myself to high standards...ones that I set myself.  The only one that knows if I am meeting my goals is me...and well you if I happen to write about it ;)  I could have kept chugging along and being mildly active in my running and fitness dreams or I could go all in.  I could hope and dream bigger than I thought I would ever want to.

2015 NJ Marathon
So with that comes my third marathon in just 9 days.  Last April 26th I missed my goal of a sub 3:40 marathon...a time that would technically be a Boston Qualifying time.  I did not have this goal until about three weeks before that race.  I did not know that my heart and body were ready to tackle such a feat...and with out the proper goal was not met.  I still managed to set a new Personal Record by improving my time by 37 minutes...I missed that silly BQ time by 13 seconds...3:40:13.  13 seconds that continue to haunt me but it was a pure blink of a moment over the entire course of the day.  This year I would plan differently.

some runs didn't go as planned
I decided if I wanted something big I had to do something big.  I found a great Hal Higdon plan that incorporated a lot of speed work and runs that were to be at marathon pace.  Then I had to tell myself what my "marathon pace" was going to be for this race.  It had to be an honest conversation with me, just me...something that I was going to be truly ready to step up to and stick with for 18 long weeks.  Just quickly added up my miles with this totals just about 700 miles...with two weeks maxing out at 57 miles each.    I signed up for this...I wanted this...I want something bigger than myself.

So...will it work??  Who knows...but I will not go into next Sunday with any doubt that I did not train my butt off, make sacrifices, run when I wanted to quit, endure nature's elements and time crunches that were against me...I have worked so very hard for this race.  I did not set any limitations for myself, I choose me and my goal and had the support of those around me.  That is something I am very proud of...nothing that I am looking for accolades for...just letting you know that hard is not impossible.

"hoodie half" and my support crew
So for you it's not a crazy qualifying time or pr at a marathon...or maybe it is...but I have learned through all of this...if you truly want something stop the wishing and start the doing.  We are capable of such greater things than we are already doing.  We really need to start believing in ourselves more and lifting each other up.  Support and believing in me have been huge in this whole process.  

Embrace the suck...choose you...go ALL IN!

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