I just don't care

This year has proven to be a challenge for me both mentally and physically.  As I stand on rooftops shouting how I must be strong for everyone around me I had a blip in the sequence and for a little while I just didn't care.  It is so hard to keep everything on track and keep pushing forward so for a few weeks I said I just don't care.  Another injury crept in on me, my motivation starting to head south, and the holidays were all around so I just let myself enjoy the time, the friends, the food and drink.  I am well aware of all the choices I was making, well aware of their consequences and well aware that I could have made smarter choices and still had just as much fun...but I just didn't care.

It is so easy to let a day pass and just not care, to not worry about your health or maintenance or welfare....it is so easy to be caught in the moment and let the excuses flow as to why it's okay.  My four kids are cared for every day...I make sure they are on target and have all the things they need.  I try my best after caring for them to make sure I care for my husband and be the partner that I said I would be 16 years ago.  Then there is the community and the schools and the sports and the friends and the house and the list is so long and so tiring and exhausting and daunting.  And as some people become energized by this list others just don't care and find it all too much.  There are times that it is too much for me.  Days that I spend in sweats and snuggled up on the couch and watch a lot of movies with my kiddos.  I kind of shut off my sense of caring and just turn off from all the needs of everyone.  I know that this is okay...and I can't be everything to everyone every day...but I truly believe that if we care for ourselves just a little bit each day...the rest comes a little bit easier.

The energy I sustain after a workout or sometimes even just being around others and talking about upcoming races gets me going.  It makes me want to do more, it makes me want to care about the little stuff.  I can go days not doing a project of any kind in the house and after a good workout I am cleaning stuff out of closets and drawers left and right.  I know that I can't be "up" all the time but I do know that a workout is definitely a way to help get me there.

When I am in the dreary days and I tell myself I just don't care...it is truly a lie.  I do care, I do give a sh$t.  I do want to do better, I do want more, and the most frustrating part is that I am in charge of that change.  That is why on those days it is easier to just not care about what effects you most directly.  We need to stop taking the easy way out.  We care about feeling good, about being a better partner, mom, friend and part of the community.  Shutting ourselves out is not the answer.  Finding a  person or five that you can reach out to when you need that boost is what it is about.  A walk through the neighborhood to talk about the things you care about most, help prioritize how you can tackle the big obstacle you put in front of yourself, turn the careless behavior into drive and desire.  

So when I find myself saying I don't care...I am now quickly following it up with "yes you do...you are just scared, or lazy, or nervous, or lacking the motivation.  You can do this"  We collectively need to start caring more.  There are LOTS of crazy things going on now and we need to care more than ever.  I think we all need to start with proper self care and knowing that the hard is possible.  We are worthy of many great things, and knowing  you are able to help yourself get those things is most important.  It is not about relying on someone else to care for you...you have to want it, you have to care, you have to give a sh$t.  

So I challenge you today...I challenge you to care a little more, to pay serious attention to the choices you make knowing the outcome you will receive.  Care for you first.  We can't help others if we are not whole.  Be the true you, stop the excuses, care more then ever before.

Embrace the suck...choose you...be yourself.