Remember the journey

Six days and counting.  I wake up each morning thinking about race day and how it is approaching and how I am so concerned about weather, digestion, hydration, and overall well being both mental and physical.  This training plan was 18 weeks long and had me running close to 650 miles which includes race day.  I continue to remind myself that this is not just about the numbers.  This is about me seeing something through and no matter what the outcome I am proud of myself.  I am proud that I am giving myself another chance at a dream that I never knew I wanted to dream.  But as I sit at my house today and watch the Boston Marathon unfold and my heart races for just the thought of that epic event, I remind me that at the end of the day...it is just a race, just a run, it will not define me, it is a day where I get to celebrate the journey I put myself on again.

Mid training hoodie half

With everything we are so focused on the outcome, we forget to stop and enjoy the moment, stop and listen to the music playing in the background, stop and read the book to our kiddos even though it is past their bedtime.  We have become a place that is just wanting to get to the next big thing.  I would be lying if I did not say that Boston is my dream next big thing.  However, this journey has been a true transformation.  I am not talking the physical one, that one has been tested over this training cycle, I am heavier by close to 15 pounds then when I ran two years ago.  As I sat and watched myself not make those changes and lose those pounds and just be upset over it, my husband reminded me of something.  This whole thing is not about my inability to do something the way I believe it has to be done.  This whole thing is about following your dream with what I have and that is a strong and healthy body, and any number on a scale will not change that.  Run with what I have, not with thoughts of what I think I should be.

So the transformation that is not the physical side of this...for me this is about believing in myself, having others believe in me, and having my family be a part of this process.  There have been training weekends where the only energy I could muster up was the energy for my long run and then going to work for the day.  I trained as hard as I could for this race and can only hope that it is enough.  But again, in the end, Boston is a dream and the reality is the people that surround me every day.  My kids who are not embarrassed that I am the running coach at school, or give me the high five when I beat the bus to school, or have a conversation about me "as a runner" with one of their friends or teachers, and use me and my hobby as an example in an assignment.  This is a crew that paces me on a run on their bike or doesn't laugh while I plank in the driveway but rather get down with me.  That is a reality I never thought would be.

End of my freshman year 1997

My husband...I just can't even believe that we are today the people that we have become.  We were young kids in love at the age of 18 and 20 that just wanted to be together.  There were no big lofty goals, no huge aspirations.  We wanted to just love each other and continue to do so no matter what.  Safe to say after 15 years of marriage, I love him even more that I hope I would be able to.  We have this unspoken way of supporting each other through this big dream thing, for both of us.  We just do it.  We know that the other person will be making sacrifices for themselves and we will have to do more with the kids, but we do it, we don't point fingers, or keep score, we are a team that in the end is wanting the same common goal.

An old co-worker of mine ran Boston today for the **fourth** time (I had this earlier as first...FOURTH).  He is an amazing guy on many levels but having a wonderful wife and three cute kiddos makes him even more awesome.  His wife was posting on social media today and she was on Bolyston ready to spot him as he came in.  Well she found him just as he was passing in front of her, as she screamed uncontrollably with her daughter right next to her and his head turned, found them, and he ran over mid finish and hugged his wife and daughter and then ran back towards the race course, waving and smiling and continuing on with a full heart.  That video made my day.

my heart...my support crew

This journey is so much more than the race at the end of it, the big dream that we all hold close to our heart and sometimes are brave enough to whisper out loud.  This journey is about discovering something within you that is greater than you ever thought, and having that courage to let it come out so that you can share it and be encouraged by those around you to keep on dreaming.  This journey of 18 weeks of long training runs, dark and cold early mornings and too many logistics to every try to figure out even if it was just one person alone let alone a family of six.  This journey brings me to tears and I haven't even made it to packet pick up.  I know Sunday will be hard, exhausting, and at times make me want to just stop.  In that moment I will remember everyone who is sharing in this dream and helped me get this close.

Embrace the suck...choose you...hard is possible...remember the journey.