Thursday, August 13, 2015

Getting nervous...and scared...and I'm TIRED!!

Is anyone else exhausted!!!??!!!  Summer is still going strong here with only three weeks left...we always think how are we going to survive this with the kids...then mid way through you are wishing you did more with the family....then the end comes and you are treasuring every last moment...letting them stay up late, eat large bowls of ice cream and making sure to take that last road trip!  And through all of this we still have to negotiate showers and who played with what toy first...and if you eat this you can have that.  The bickering and the arguing is definitely coming to a high point and I am just crazy crazy crazy tired of it all!  I love my children and love my hubby but some days...yesterday being one of them...I needed a break.

In the past that would be a easy turn for me to hit up a quick candy bar in the check out aisle of the grocery store or buying a special bag of cookies telling the littles that are shopping with me that this is a special treat...when in fact it was my stress eating and they were just a part of it.  The countless time I would binge on something HoRrIbLe and bury it in the trash are too many to remember.  I would never of taken this frustration and stress and turned into anything positive.  Someone also shared the other day that STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled  backwards....GO FIGURE!!

So with this I try my best to keep my focus.  Having  an exercise daily plan is a huge help for me...there is no question as to what I am going to do each day and no question if I am going to do it.  It happens.  No maybe just happens.  My hubby and usually have our last conversation of the night being...what do you want for dinner tomorrow.  We think of what our exercise is for that day coming up and decide if it can be a low or high calorie dinner...tonight is chicken parm...YUM!  I know that this is a bigger meal so it keeps me on my toes throughout the day...that and many nalgens of water to keep me full!!

I started training for my half iron distance 17 weeks ago and my second "test" for my training is this weekend my first international distance triathlon.  I will swim 1500 meters in open water, 41K (25.5 miles), 10k run (6.2 miles.)  I am scared, nervous and VERY anxious.  Open water swimming is a new thing for me and the hills that I will have to ride on will make every muscle in my body sore.  I have worked every day of these past 119 days.  They say it takes 21 days to form a habit...guess that is true!  This is me trying to be a better stronger me and seeing what these past 17 weeks of training have led me to.  My first experience with triathlons was back in 2008...and let me tell you I did the swim BACKSTROKE!  I had no business being in that pool but there was a part of me that wanted to give it a whirl.  Two other sprints happened quickly after those...and I really enjoyed the multi sport aspect of it all.  

Back to being scared...I have run many worries there...but the speed on the bike in this hilly town has me very very nervous.  In my training ride out there I was going about thirty miles an hour and that was with me breaking and not in "race mode."  What is a mom of four kids with a crazy messy house doing going that fast on a tri bike in the hills of VA...she is holding on for dear life to not cause any harm to herself or others and just focusing on finishing without a wreck!  The swim will be hard not for the distance but the large corral of people that are in this lake with me.  I have heard many crazy stories of people swimming on top of others in these races...just hoping I can keep to the sides and stay away from the masses.  The focus there will be on breathing and just finding that next buoy to swim to!

It's all hard and scary and nerve racking.  Everyday is a struggle with the mind and body whether you are training for an upcoming event or just trying to make it through the day.  It is all really really hard.  My friend yesterday said how crazy it is that I am doing all of this...she then confirmed it was crazy in a good way.  So yeah I am definitely crazy...I know that I have to be.  I have four kids ranging from 11-2....I have a husband that is training for his third Ironman...and I decided to hop on the even crazier train and do a half iron distance in October!!  I know it's all crazy...but for's how I keep myself going.  I need the wheels of my brain and body moving at all times or there will be too many opportunities for laziness and giving up to sneak in.  If I have a plan I will follow it...If I have a mission...I will lead myself there.  I would be tired if I was doing all this or if I wasn't...we are all tired and we are all getting through it day by day.  The choice is to let the horse run all over you or get back on it.  I have chosen to ride this horse and direct it where I want to go!!

Have good thoughts on Saturday morning as I "tri" it again....and hope for a safe and successful event for all participants!  Life is short...we are supposed to enjoy the ride!!

Embrace the suck...choose you!

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