Bumpers everywhere...another Ragnar complete

Staying true to who you are at times can be hard.  I find that if I surround myself with those same like minded individuals the task becomes less daunting.  When I seem to lose the path they stand me up and act like bumpers at a bowling alley and do their best to get me down the center.  The question came months ago if I wanted to join our Ragnar team for yet another relay in the Pacific Northwest in July...and although I was not in the best physical shape or mental shape to make this happen, I knew that this team would be there to help me find the end of each of my legs.  Flights were booked and trip planning commenced and I had no sense of worry.

W&OD Trail at home

The weeks leading up to our adventure kept flying by as life is just busy.  I found time for a handful of runs but nothing that would make this trip an easy one.  The weekend before we left my one runner girl convinced me to go for a 9 mile run to make sure I knew I could complete it come relay day for my second leg at 6:30 am alone on Whidbey Island.  I had bumpers for this race before we even started.   Passed years we would all get together for a dinner to reconnect before the trip but life didn't let that happen this go round.  Our reunion was Wednesday night at our airport gate!  Three other friends would meet us in Washington but the larger contingency was ready to go!  Sights of Mount Rainier as we landed were just a taste of the beauty that would unfold in this amazing weekend away.

team selfie at Chilhuly Gardens

Flight was uneventful and arrival in Seattle late evening gave enough time to get to hotel and shower and get some much needed sleep, as we know in two days sound sleep will be non existent.  Thursday was spent exploring Seattle and all things that a true tourist would do!  We went to the top of the needle which looks much cooler in Grey's Anatomy than in real life!  PS-it also really reminded me of the sombrero at

south of the border!  We were able to take in all of the beautiful blown glass at the Chilhuly Garden, reminding me of something out of a Disney underwater feature and a Dr Seuss book.  We then headed to Pike Place Market to watch fish fly, lines gather outside of Starbucks number one and the sweetest freshest cherries ever.  A drive north after a morning of exploring to a sweet town of Bellingham where we had lots of fish tacos, cold beers and took in the sea air as we ate outside taking in the views of the small marina and the sunshine felt so good!  Did I mention no HUMIDITY!

Pike Place Market

Blaine WA
US/Canada Border

We drove to our hotel for the night, not our best stay to date but a final rest before the the relay began.  Race for our team started at 7am which had all 11 of us to the start line by 6:45 am and we explored the Canada/US Border in the town of Blaine.  Our first runner was out and something that we had done together annually since 2016, something that keeps us united as a team, something that we do to remind us that we can do hard things, was back in front of us after a really hard two years away from all things that made us feel whole.  It was so nice to feel the excitement that drew us to this event to begin with.  From what we had seen in just two days we knew these next 36 hours were going to unveil even more beauty that was just a drive away in

this amazing Pacific Northwest!  

Bellingham Bay

While we are one team we operate in two vans and we each take in different views along the way.  We spent some time walking raised paths along Bellingham Bay, realizing one of our runners was lucky enough to run there!  Every view was more beautiful than the next.  In our van, three of us live within the same neighborhood, the other three in three different states and one only knew me in the van.  We ran our legs starting at noon Friday, then again at midnight Saturday am and finally Saturday afternoon starting at noon.  We finished on Whidbey Island and had to ferry back over to the mainland to then get to our late flight out of Seattle to get us home early morning Sunday.  It always goes too quickly.

The conversations that are had throughout these hours together in the tight quarters of a hybrid Toyota minivan are plenty.  We start with a basic conversation and end of in a full out therapy session sharing possible solutions and very similar stories.  The bumpers of the bowling alley apply to more than just finding the finish of the leg you are running.  These women that I may only get to have this short amount of quality time with are so beautiful, strong, smart, sexy, brave, funny, and I am so lucky that I can call each of them a friend.  

Finish Line-NWP Ragnar Relay
Day Three

Space Needle Day One

Ragnar Relay is truly an experience like no other, it's not a race, it's not a weekend away, it's truly an excuse to remember that we are awesome ladies that continue to have the sense of adventure as we continue to take on all that life throws at us.  It reminds us that we will have bumpers around us in every possible way and we can always count on these girls for that no matter what happens between each race.  We have run these faster, fitter, in colder temps, in pouring rain and heat that doesn't give up. There are hills and valleys and flats that never end.  So much of life is mirrored in running.  I am beyond thankful that we gave this a go all those years ago and continue to want to push each other into potential uncomfortable situations.  Some may not see the sense of fun in staying awake for almost two days while running at random intervals in darkness and on crazy windy roads, to then do it again six hours later...it is so very worth.  Surround yourself with those that make sure you continue to do things that make you awesome!

so very true

Deception Pass

Embrace the suck...choose you...do hard things!

Something will be missing...and felt by all

I have been looking back over pictures as I begin to gather them for the impending celebrations that are coming faster than I could have ever of imagined.  I remember feeling like a pinball machine that just bounced from place to place getting all the things accomplished for my little people.  Caleb was my first little person.   I look at these pictures and barely recognize the mom that was making it all happen.   I was young, 26 years young and ready to take on all things mom.  I didn't think what needed to be done, I just did it.  

Packing every option of things that he may need at the park, meeting new people and hoping they would be our new friends that we could meet at the library or maybe a new to us park.  Playdates were not just for him.  Making starter conversation and trying to be the version of myself that other people would want to be with again, and hope my little buddy didn't pinch or bite their child!  All while making sure he didn't eat mulch or face plant when starting to walk and gaining that confidence to run.

To sit here now and think that this young man that is ready to leave once needed me for those things makes me shake my head in disbelief.  I probably did more than was needed for him and know that I continue to do more than he needs.  We raise these children to be independent, to make huge decisions, to be kind, have patience and enjoy themselves in these beginning years of their life.  Some friends we met all those years ago are not in our day to day life but we remain in touch and can easily reach out to each other and share the same story as they helped build those memories.  We continue to add new faces to our circle of friends and with that connections continue to grow and develop for more than just him. 

As I worried about equipping him with all the skills he needed to be the person he is today we have to continue to work on ourselves, sometimes losing sight of that, and then adding more people to the family to care for and ensure their path was laid before them.  Then allowing them to forge new paths, ones you didn't ever imagine they would go down, and then there are the paths that you knew they would remain on but you didn't think it would be that difficult.  All while again trying to keep regular life floating along.

Parenting is hard, harder than I ever thought or knew looking back on my childhood.  I remember having back to back games and my uniform would be folded and ready the next morning and I never thought twice about that.  I now know that the late return home from a game turns into late night of prep for the next day and early rising to finish off the other items that weren't able to complete the night before.  The craziest part is, this is mostly done on autopilot.  There are things that have to be done and as parents we just do them or work with our kids to establish the rules of responsibility, who does what when, all while preparing them for the day when we don't make the lists for them anymore.  They hopefully have picked up on the many tips and tricks of life and make some sense of them for themselves in their own lives.

So here we go, wrapping up our first child's high school career, and he moves out of state and onto new adventures without his family in this home.  HE gets to prepare himself for all the things, he gets to initiate these new conversations with new faces, and he gets to build his circle of trust.  I am equally sad and excited.   With COVID being around during his sophomore and junior year, we were all together A LOT.  This final year he has become beyond independent and some days I get five minutes and probably five words.  The days that he chooses to stay home for movie and pizza night and he snuggles with his younger brother or teases a sister or sits next to me on the couch to share a blanket without me asking, I would like those to last forever.   But they won't, he is off to do great things and I get to become the spectator-from a TRUE distance.  The reality is I have been able to watch this small boy become a young man that I now truly enjoy being with and his amazing personality that is silly and fun beyond all get out, and his strength is more than just physical, and his dedication to those that matter most to him is felt a hundred times over, even more than his hugs.

Alas, I am now that creepy older lady that smiles at small kids at grocery stores and break a little bit when those small hands reach up for their parents hand without a second thought when heading to the parking lot.  My years as a mom to him have been amazing and hard and rewarding and confusing and all in a blink of an eye.  So keep snuggling, keeping asking for a daily hug, keep telling them you love them, and keep giving them what they need because soon enough they won't ask any more.

August will be a tough month for me...but I know that hard is possible and it is always worth it.  I know I am not losing anything in reality I am gaining so much.  But I do feel like there will be a little bit of quiet and emptiness for those first few weeks until we can all adjust to a house that is just missing something...and we can all put our finger on it.

Hard is possible...choose you...enjoy the journey.