It's never a good time

Life is a busy time every day...and when we have a break it's usually short lived.  When nothing is going on I tend to think that I have forgotten something...fifty percent of the time it's probably true!

I was challenged by a friend to do 22 push ups for 22 days to raise awareness of suicide with military veterans...everyday 22 veterans take their life.  This is a hard challenge, physically and mentally...I have miserable form and when I want to stop I think about these veterans and how they never stop...they never get to throw in the towel and say well that just isn't going to happen.  

As I started my day with snuggles with G4 in bed after G2 finished her breakfast and we were all piled into a twin bed...we began our morning process.  We escorted her to the bus and had a jump start on the day together.  G3 came down wearing her graduation cap...she made my morning.  I know that I am only on day 5 of this challenge and it is not getting any easier.

So I dropped to the floor in my kitchen and did my 22 push ups...every one of them was hard, difficult, strenuous, shaking and not in perfect form.  I agreed to this challenge and I will complete it and hopefully improve my form in the process.  I could have waited til 9pm tonight to get this done...but I chose 7:55am.

It's all hard...making the time and not the excuse is really the hardest.  My physical activity of choice is running and as much as I choose to run...every mile is still difficult.  It doesn't get easier but it becomes my routine...and that is what becomes easier.  The activity is still a challenge...the time that I make in my day to ensure it happens...that is what becomes easier.  And every day that I make that choice...to lace up my shoes and not deal with a messy playroom or laundry to be folded but rather make sure my time is had...it becomes easier.  

The other thing about routines is when they happen...everyone else is aware of them and they stop questioning what you are up to.  When I make my food choices throughout the day and the kids see me measure and weigh things....it's not bizarre to them...it's just what mom does...and that doesn't make me feel out of place.  When I hop on the treadmill at 2pm to be done by the time G2 is off the bus at 3pm...G3 and G4 play...and don't really even talk to me while I am running except to ask what I would like my "play recovery meal" to be.  I am always greeted with a huge spread!

Making the decision to start up these routines is hard...and all you want to tell yourself is I have to get ready for x or y...need to do something with the kids...I need to give another 60 minutes to this project for work.  At the end of the day...the project that everyone will benefit from in the long run is you.  You need to feel good about you on the inside and the outside.  You need to realize that timing will never be ideal but that is no reason to not start or continue.  We all would like to just list off the excuses as to why we can't do something...today I challenge  you to list of the benefits of you becoming a stronger healthier you...I think you'll like that list much better!

Embrace the suck...choose you....now is the time!

memorial day 5k 2015...making the time

What starts out as one thing...ends as another

This morning I laid in bed so angry with the fact that I did not want to get up and run.  I knew this would be my ONLY window for an outside run and I just needed to suck it up and get out of bed.  I was turning since 5:30 am knowing that my alarm was going to go off and the run would be upon me.  I finally made my way out of bed and now what was planned as a 7 mile run would have to be 4 due to time restraints.

Did my normal loop in my hood and it was a bit chilly and the ground was wet.  No precip was happening yet and I was feeling pretty good post Ragnar Relay...I headed back home with 4.5 done and planned to do 2.5 on the treadmill...hubby and G2 were running late...I got to finish the entire run outside and the skies did open and I was now fully wet.  People always say you never regret a workout after it is complete...today was a perfect example of that!

Beyond words Beautiful!!!

Last Thursday I headed to Chattanooga TN with two women as we were on our way to meet up with the other nine women that would complete our Ragnar Relay Team..You Ran Me All Night Long.  This was our third time running as a team and this go round we had two newbies to our team....one of which had never done a Ragnar before.  This was going to be a great adventure!  We headed out in our swagger wagon around 9am arriving in Tennessee around 6pm.  We were greeted by an excited group of ladies that were ready for our first night out.  A lot of introductions were made as well as welcome back hugs and we were on our way!

I have only been in Van 2 for these relays so that means our running will begin mid afternoon on Friday.  Van one kicked things off at 7am and we meet up with them at the first major exchange.  This relay only had 180 teams where the one we did last May had 400.  Things were much quieter..calmer..and just a bit more relaxed.  I wouldn't say it was bad or good...just a different overall feeling.  The sun was shining and we were embracing the sun's rays and warmness on our skin...it was amazing compared to the rain haven we have been experiencing for the last two plus weeks here.

Leg 1

Van 2 only had 5 runners so we had to make up the three legs that our other runner would have run.  This meant my first leg was going to be a big one....11.7 miles.  I was the second runner to go in our van and was getting very anxious for it to begin!  The best part of these relays...it is NOT about speed, pace, where you finish, if you broke a sweat...it is about your love of running and sense of community.  I started my run just before 1pm...it was 70 degrees and beautiful!!

We finished our first set of legs, headed to our hotel for a quick shower and change then into a small town for some dinner.  Table for five and let's all get a chicken sandwich!  Didn't want anything that would upset the tummy during the night run.  It felt great to sit and be clean and just enjoy each other's company.  Our next run was going to begin by 10pm...we were ready!!

Chilly Night Running

In the past two Ragnars we did I ran my night runs alone.  I tried my best to keep a blinker in view from a runner ahead so I knew I was not truly alone but I remember they have not been fun!  I was determined for this night run to find a buddy.  As we waited for our first runner to come in I surveyed the area and hoping to find anyone that would be willing to put up with me for over six miles.  There was a guy in the shoot waiting for his runner...they called both our team numbers so we were both up next...I asked his pace...he told me...I said...Can I run with you...and we were off together!  Not that Ragnars are "scary" but solo runs in the woods with just you and headlamp can be a bit unsettling.  Eric made my night!  He and his team do one race a year together as well...we talked and talked...who are we kidding...I talked mostly!  I never felt scared...well maybe just once when a dog started barking at another live animal in the woods...but it was a great run!  The next three runners in our van ran with his runners on their team.  IT WAS AMAZING!  Our rookie was definitely not feeling the night run and having that buddy made it great for her...they were our life savers in reflective vests!!


When we finished leg 2 we headed back to hotel, showered and slept...those 2.5 hours felt like 5!  It was great and we woke at 7am and headed back to the relay.  Our final runner in van 1 was on her way to the exchange and we were all going to be done soon!  That final runner in van 1 had pretty major back surgery 8 weeks ago and she rehabbed herself and ran every single one of her legs!  I am so beyond inspired by her...she NEVER gives up and was an awesome example for our team.  Another woman that kicked some serious Ragnar butt is our Rookie.  She has completed her first half marathon...just a few months ago...and on this relay she knocked out over 16 miles!  She doubled up her final leg to make up for our missing runner...and despite her feeling like death in the moment...she is beyond proud of herself and will be ready to crush her marathon in the fall.  She learned a valuable lesson this past weekend...and the bottom line is this...she is capable of amazing things!  

Our final legs in van 2 took us right into Nashville.  The sun had come back out and we stood in a park in the middle of the city waiting for our runner 12 to appear.  All ten of us had regrouped and were ready for this thing to be done.  When she appeared...she was smiling and was a true vision of beauty...we had accomplished our goal...and we all ran in behind her leading the way to the finish line!

In typical Ragnar awesomeness...our medals double as beer openers and a puzzle.  We built our puzzle and took the required pic with our foot in it...without any of those feet we would not get to that finish line.  These relays are a true sense of community and I am so honored to be a part of a team that continues to push limits and find a new part of themselves along the way.

Medals, puzzle, beer opener :)

So we finished, we celebrated, we laughed and maybe cried a little.  We again accomplished something that others may hope to do someday.  By us continuing to do this with each other we can show those hopefuls that hard is not impossible, that you are capable of amazing things, that what you may have thought about yourself at the beginning of all this has probably changed, that sometimes it feels amazing to run in the rain, that despite all your inner energy telling you that you can't...you do!  These relays are about a lot more than running in the dark, decorating a van, checking boxes and covering 200 miles.  I am so honored to have these women in my life...I can't wait for our next adventure...I am so thankful for my team and all that you continue to share with me and inspire...and thank you for putting up with  me!!  No regrets...always amazing with you ladies!

YOU RAN ME ALL NIGHT LONG

Embrace the Suck...Choose You!!!

so much to do...so little time

yup...I have a house that is flipped upside down, laundry to be switched over, dinner to be prepped, sheets to put back on beds, swim team suits to inventory....the list is WAY TOO LONG!

So I will sit here and do a quick mental check in.  I am recovered physically from last week's marathon...the head and heart are still a bit sore but I can sit down on the toilet with out assistance.  Post race I had only run a total of three times and none at anything close to race pace.  This morning my alarm was set for 5:50am to go and tackle the hood...did not happen.  Turned off the alarm and convinced myself I would go when the littles were at school.

I ended up running with a friend and we both pushed each other way harder than I think we were either planning on doing.  It felt great!!

There is a part of me that gets a bit broken after a race...good or bad outcome.  All that build up...it's like a wedding or a vacation...looking forward to it...planning, prepping, training...and then it's over.  There is a definite bit of a let down.  So I ate a whole bunch of crap food for over a week...haven't tracked a thing that I have put in my mouth...and just was kind of going through the motions.  Today I flipped that switch.

post 12.8 leg in last years relay..wicked hard

That is the thing of life...you never know what it will take for your switch to flip.  Today it was six miles for me at a fast pace which resulted in a lot of hard breathing and a full on sweat!  It felt awesome.  It made me so happy I decided to run and check in with said friend if she wanted to meet up. 

This weekend is my third Ragnar Relay...we head out Thursday morning and I can't wait to spend four days with 10 amazing woman.  Life can get so heavy on the heart and mind that these relays are great reminders of the things that I love so much.  I look forward to hearing some amazing stories, meeting some inspiring people on the course, and laughing.  These Ragnars are such a great mental break from life and kind of let me know I am okay.  These days are not about speed or distance covered but about people that are doing what they love...even if the moment it may not feel that way.

Today I hope a switch is flipped for you...I hope you are feeling a bit warm and fuzzy on the inside on this dreary chilly day.  I hope that you don't take this as a day to feel sad, lonely or unloved but maybe remember the love you have for your family and they have for you.  It's okay that everything is not perfect...things have a way of falling as they are supposed to.  Not always understood at the forefront but makes sense as the time goes on.   Perfect is BORING!

Trying to not get all sappy sappy on myself but it comes down to this...we get this life to love and live...and today is a gift!  Keep smiling and running if that is what moves you!

Embrace the suck...keep choosing you!

the stars weren't aligned

Pre Race Day - Ready to crush it!

After my second marathon on April 26, 2015 I missed a time goal by 13 seconds. I signed up within a month to run that same marathon on May 1, 2016 and told myself that I would train harder, faster, stronger than I did previously and that alone would make that goal a reality.


Today is two days post race day...my legs are sore. my toes are raw and my heart is happy. I missed that same time goal again...and I even missed it by more than the last year. All of my hard work let me cross that finish line in one piece, and let me be okay with the fact that "it" didn't happen that day. In all of my trying to figure out the perfect formula to have the perfect race I have realized that the day of the race pretty much has to have perfect star alignment. And despite the fact that my stars were not aligned on Sunday it does not take away from the hundreds of miles that I ran, the planks that I held, the cold and hot runs in the dark and blaring sunshine...all of that work was still needed.

Ready to RUN!

That race morning there was nothing I didn't think I would accomplish. I walked with my friend Julie(a real person, not me talking about myself in third person) to the start after we were dropped off and saw my friend Laura waving at me from the out shoot of the main runners exit. We had our picture quickly snapped and made our way to the corrals. Julie wanted to make sure I found my 3:35 guy and gave me a big hug and told me I was good and ready. I settled in with the fellow pace runners and we chatted a bit in the nervous energy to get to know each other a bit. We all wanted this 3:35 finish time and we were quite a pack.


Started at 7:33...we were the third corral out...and we were off. I saw my crew at the exit and there was a lot of hooting and hollering...it was awesome. We cruised along and headed to mile 2.5 and I knew the crew was going to be there again...they were in transit and I saw them sprinting towards the curb...my 11 year old made it with a big smile and wave and I saw my hubby shuffling along carrying our three year old and the others were in the space between. My heart was happy. I was going to see them again at mile 9 but they missed me...I was going to have to wait till the finish line to see their faces again.

Pace group 3:35

We moved along and the miles were ticking away...the weather was not ideal but we were still mostly inland and the wind had not hit us yet. The group was sticking together and the pacers were telling all these crazy stories trying to keep our mind at bay. I was with the front pacer for the first half no issue...then I was finding myself between the two and then at mile 15 I found myself just barely holding it with the second pacer. Paul was the pacer I ran with last year...and we had messaged prior to race day...he knew what I was training for.


We were now at mile 15 and Paul asked how I was doing...I shook my hand to say so so...he then said...Julie if you can't answer me then you need to back off...You need to be able to finish this. I knew I had lost the pace group last year at mile 18 and this year I knew I had family waiting for me down at mile 18 and 20. My goal was to stay with the pace group to that point and seeing my family would give me the energy burst I needed. My calf was killing me...and I knew my plan was going to have to change.

Crossing the mat at mile 20

I held as tight as I could to keeping 3:35 in my sights and that was all I could hope for. I wanted to make it to mile 23 before hearing the 3:40 pace on my heels. At one of the turn arounds Paul and the pace group were just cruising along...and he gave me a big shout out..."There she is...Orange Visor!!" I knew how bad I wanted to be running with them...and I knew it was not happening today. I saw my family at mile 20....I was doing all I could to just keep going and get off the boards after crossing mile 20. The wind and rain was miserable and it was going to be a long 6.2 miles to the finish.


I saw my buddy Mike who was getting served a very tough first marathon while I was on the stretch back up the highway. He was cruising along in cold, wet, windy conditions...left, right, left, right...while wearing his orange visor. He gave me a burst. I tried to push a little bit...doing the math I knew that sub 3:40 was not going to happen today and at this point I just wanted to finish without stopping. My leg was still in a lot of pain and I knew how lonely and long this final stretch to the finish was. One mile at a time was all I could focus on.


I made the turn at 25 to get back on the boardwalk...there were not a lot of spectators on the boards like last year...I so badly just wanted to be done...wanted to be warm...and wanted to see my family. I was not sad that it was not going to happen. The stars were not aligned....but I was still not going to stop. I went past the stretch were the bars were packed and hopping last year...I heard my friend Sharon shout in my head....go JULIE....and I so badly wanted to push. I had nothing left. I kept looking for the mile 26 marker and never saw it...that is where my family was last year and I just wanted to see them.

finish line in sight!

I finally saw them and I could see that coveted finish line. I had no juice left to sprint up to that shoot...and the cheers from the family were quiet. They knew that my time goal was not going to happen today and they just wanted me to finish. I crossed and walked and was so very happy to be able to stop running. I was freezing and felt a little sick to my stomach...but I just kept going to find my people. Paul was there talking with the runners he brought in with the 3:35 group...and he found me. He asked how I was feeling...and he assured me I will get it!

Happy Finisher 3;42:40

Ben found me as I made it through the food tables and just gave me a big hug. He was upset and I assured him I was okay. I knew at 15 it was not going to happen and to finish with a 3:42:40 in as much pain as I was in...was beyond a success. Qualifying for Boston is not an easy feat. Training to run a marathon is hard enough but then putting it all out there for such a HUGE goal makes it that much more mentally challenging. I never doubted myself that I was able to make this goal, I am still confident that it will...and maybe even this year...but I know that I gave all and everything I had that day to that race. My day was my day and I would not change it.

Life is full of so many ups and downs and we need them all to have balance. When I cross that finish line under 3:40:00 the stars will most certainty be aligned...nutrition, mechanics, heart, soul, weather, and a little luck all have to go in your favor on that day. My people were there with me, they hugged me while my teeth chattered for a solid hour after the race and they will do it again.

To say that I am not disappointed that my BQ did not happen on Sunday would be a lie.  To say that I didn't shed a few tears while recapping this here today would also be an untruth.  When you find something that you are passionate about and people believe in you and truly want you to succeed...you want that goal even more.  Work is work for a reason and I will go back to the drawing board and start this whole process over again.  Dreams have a funny way of coming true when they are supposed to.  So thank you for believing in me, for cheering for me, for asking if I am okay, and for smiling and congratulating me.  I never knew that these dreams would be the ones I would be chasing...and loving every minute of it! 

Embrace the suck...choose you....keep dreaming...the stars will align!

Splits NJ Marathon 2016

What can I say?

I decided to go ALL IN!  

We set our own limitations and I do not consider myself superwoman...I am a mom with four kiddos, a spouse that works his butt off, a friend that tries her best to help when you ask or don't, and a woman who wants to not lose sight of herself in the process.

When I started running 8 years ago I thought it would be something I would do for a bit to get me back into shape.  I then realized that it will in fact get and KEEP me in shape...and I found that I truly enjoy it.  I love how I feel when a run is complete...not just because it is done...but I feel whole.  I have seen a meme that says it's funny how the most exhausting thing I do all day is the most relaxing.  I totally get that!!  I don't think I set out to be a runner who is trying for big lofty goals.  I think that my relationship with fitness evolved much like my relationship with all things...my husband, food, a new friend.  It was not love at first sight but over time I knew it was something that would complete me.

My fitness goals became bigger, stronger, more precise and with that my plans had to change.  I was not trying to be perfect or number one...I was just trying to be right for me.  I hold myself to high standards...ones that I set myself.  The only one that knows if I am meeting my goals is me...and well you if I happen to write about it ;)  I could have kept chugging along and being mildly active in my running and fitness dreams or I could go all in.  I could hope and dream bigger than I thought I would ever want to.

2015 NJ Marathon

So with that comes my third marathon in just 9 days.  Last April 26th I missed my goal of a sub 3:40 marathon...a time that would technically be a Boston Qualifying time.  I did not have this goal until about three weeks before that race.  I did not know that my heart and body were ready to tackle such a feat...and with out the proper plan....my goal was not met.  I still managed to set a new Personal Record by improving my time by 37 minutes...I missed that silly BQ time by 13 seconds...3:40:13.  13 seconds that continue to haunt me but it was a pure blink of a moment over the entire course of the day.  This year I would plan differently.

some runs didn't go as planned

I decided if I wanted something big I had to do something big.  I found a great Hal Higdon plan that incorporated a lot of speed work and runs that were to be at marathon pace.  Then I had to tell myself what my "marathon pace" was going to be for this race.  It had to be an honest conversation with me, just me...something that I was going to be truly ready to step up to and stick with for 18 long weeks.  Just quickly added up my miles with this plan...it totals just about 700 miles...with two weeks maxing out at 57 miles each.    I signed up for this...I wanted this...I want something bigger than myself.

So...will it work??  Who knows...but I will not go into next Sunday with any doubt that I did not train my butt off, make sacrifices, run when I wanted to quit, endure nature's elements and time crunches that were against me...I have worked so very hard for this race.  I did not set any limitations for myself, I choose me and my goal and had the support of those around me.  That is something I am very proud of...nothing that I am looking for accolades for...just letting you know that hard is not impossible.

"hoodie half" and my support crew

So for you it's not a crazy qualifying time or pr at a marathon...or maybe it is...but I have learned through all of this...if you truly want something stop the wishing and start the doing.  We are capable of such greater things than we are already doing.  We really need to start believing in ourselves more and lifting each other up.  Support and believing in me have been huge in this whole process.  

Embrace the suck...choose you...go ALL IN!

Not just another guy...but a guy with a goal

All my posts are often about my kiddos and my own struggles but I realize I don't talk to much about my husband.  Other than saying we met back when I was 18 years old and we have been together ever since.  I keep him my best kept secret.  

Our first triathlon

So yes...we dated all throughout college and we planned our future together and we gained a lot of weight together in the process.  Neither one of us said to the other that something needed to change but like many things that happen together in a couple...we started down the path and sure enough the other one followed suit.  I don't know who introduced running to whom but it happened.  I don't think that either of us would ever believe we would be sitting where we are today if you asked our 18 and 19 year old selves.  I know that wants and desires change over time and I am so thankful that ours changed together.

My hubby is a very quiet guy.  He works his butt off for our 
family and doesn't ask for much in return.  He started up with small triathlons and realized that this was something he enjoyed, coming from a swimming background the scariest part for me was his walk in the park.  When I was planning to run my first marathon in 2009 with a friend, he jumped in and took the bib when she couldn't make it.  He never said I want to run a marathon...but he did...and he stayed with me side by side the entire time, stride for stride.

OBX Marathon 2009

Every time there was me having a pity party for needing to lose weight after we had another baby, he joined right in again to help me track food, encourage exercise and create healthy meals.  He has continued to be an amazing example for me and our children of what commitment to oneself is and to a family.  Some may view his extreme dedication to the sport of triathlon as selfish, it is a lot of time away from his family and friends and parties that he may otherwise want to partake in.  We know there is a reason for his madness and we support him in his dreams.

The part of all of this that really gets me is this...he is six months away from his ultimate dream.  When a person is pregnant and they know they have six months left...they endure those uncomfortable months to have that beautiful little healthy baby arrive and hold them in their arms.  He has now volunteered himself on four occasions to train for something bigger than he had ever knew he wanted.  He is giving 36 weeks of very early mornings and sometimes missed dinners with the family to get the second part of his workout in.  He is not going to have a beautiful baby to hold, or a renovation on his house that will be finally complete after a long 9 months.  He is sacrificing for himself and us.  His reward will be priceless.

His first IRONMAN 2013

I am sure if we never started down this path we would be onto something just as  big and fulfilling but this is the path that together we have chosen.  He has no idea how much his actions inspire me and others on a daily basis.  Again...he is quiet...shy in fact...and just goes about his business.  He has boxes that need to be checked every day and he ensures they are done.

The rewards are usually sweet but sometimes they are bittersweet...looking back at the results you find yourself maybe second guessing your actions at a given moment.  This reward in October will be the sweetest...knowing the hours and hours of hard work he put forth in this effort...that our family has been there to cheer, support and sacrifice...we all can't wait!  

Sure I think my hubby is pretty freaking awesome and crazy...but at the end of the day...he is just a guy who had a goal and decided to see it through...and planned and prepared to see it not half way...but all the way!  

"Everything is fine when you head is resting next to mine....anywhere I go there you are...you're the fire and the flood."

Thank you for taking me on this journey...thank you for inspiring me and our family to be stronger and goal oriented.  Thank you for showing us what hard work truly means.  Thank you for being more than I ever dreamed possible.  Thank you for having big lofty goals and making sure we do too!

Embrace the suck...choose you...have a goal!

Believe in what you cannot see!?!

So many times we tell our selves to just trust in the process that there is something bigger and better brewing within that will show it's face in one way or another.  Much like all advice that people deliver you generally take this with a grain of salt.  What you want is immediate and the waiting process is a long and frustrating one.  I think back to the first time I wanted to try to make a change...not necessarily believing anything would indeed happen but I was willing to try.  That was November 2001 and the leap of faith was Weight Watchers.  That showed me what I didn't believe was in fact truly within me.

I started to care about me and what I was and was not doing.  I was feverishly tracking my food and logging and doing two classes back to back at Lifetime fitness.  I was loving this new person that I had unleashed.  I loved getting sweaty, coming home to my newlywed husband and create something fun and exciting for dinner.  All of these things we were doing were in uncharted territories.  I got myself into a good place...and I found that there was a fun loving strong young women under the fifty plus pounds that I shed.  

Then I had to believe in something I couldn't see yet again...we decided it was time to start a family and we had to trust in the process and doctors and all things that were scary and unknown.  Over the next eight years we would be blessed with four amazing, strong, healthy, quirky, funny and exhausting children!  I trusted in the process that had worked with me before to find that fun loving strong girl each time between pregnancies.  It was scary and tiring and not always perfectly executed but I worked my best to try to get back to that new me.  

So then came the final time that I was going to uncover this girl...the happy on the inside and outside girl...and I knew that our family was complete and that this final push for a fit me was going to be the real deal...and there were not going to be any more up and down.   I had to believe that there was something even more than what I had uncovered in the past. 

If you told me at 23 and 200.8 lbs wearing my size 16 wedding dress that I would be sitting here today excited about my impending third marathon in a month, after running many other races and completing a half Ironman...I would tell you that you were in fact crazy.  I would tell you that with four kids there was no way I would have time or want to make time to make any of these situations a reality.

I have come very far in this journey...and it's a journey I didn't know I was on until recently.  I never thought that I would have these hopes and dreams and think that my boyfriend I met when I was 18 would be there step by step sharing in them with me, leading, coaching, pushing when needed, and encouraging.  All of these things I never thought I would see or want to be a part of are things I would never believe to be true.

high school...many moons ago

July 2008

July 2013

July 2015

march 2000-july 2015 

I guess my point here is that you have to just believe in you, the new you you have yet to uncover, the stronger you.  You are the person that makes the choices each and every day...the easy ones and the hard ones.  The bag of candy at the checkout line in the grocery store and lagging your way through that store so in fact you can't fit in a walk/jog through the neighborhood before the kids get home off the bus.  Every day it's you verses you.  I know that there are people out there that are faster than me, more fit, and more dedicated.  I think I have finally come to a place where that no longer affects me.  The person I look at in the mirror every day is the person that I have to encourage and believe in.  Seeing other succeed only helps me become more determined for me...makes me want to work harder for me so I can become stronger...not stronger than them...but stronger than I was before.

I believe in this person that I have created.  I believe that I am capable of hard things that I have yet to uncover.  I believe that I will always have to trust in the process and know that it will never be perfect but it will still work.  

Embrace the suck...choose you...believe it what you have yet to uncover...believe in the unseen!